The Kalyan Tapes
"If you have the complete faith that Kalyan had for his Master in believing it was night although it was day because his Master said so, then You will know me."
"How strange! to find myself here. The world says things are very clear. This is how life is, the way things are, the way it's done. Accept it, you fool! My mind agrees; my eyes do too. But in my heart, a single Voice speaks clearly amid all the noise: "This is a beautiful night of love, the lover and beloved unite in you. Go fetch the lantern I have placed within your heart, and you will see it's true."
"Well who am I to believe: my Baba, or my eyes? my Truth, or my lies? I never signed up for this 'Kalyan training' when I first followed the scent to You. Yet it seems a single surrender can have untold ramifications. Is the choice as simple as it seems? Tell me, Baba: what would You do?"
About "Kalyan" ("biographical note")
The Perfect Mirror
All in Time
Heal Us Baba You Taught Me to Let Go The Only Thing Clear I've Been Afraid
Mercy [ 431k ] Crossing a desert of sand and fire, I drink at Your Samadhi. Walking down The Hill, You play the chords, and I learn them dutifully. Next day, You hand me "Mercy" (the comic book by Marc DeMatteis). I read of the Amazon Indian boy, the only one who knows and loves the goddess Mercy. He willingly follows her into the fire. But when his skin begins to burn, he cries out in shock, "I trusted you!" She comforts him, he dies -- and is reborn in glory. My tears flow: too close to home Baba, much too close. "Is this all somehow Your Mercy?" I ask. You lead me to the Rahuri Cabin and place a guitar in my hand. Half an hour later, Your "Mercy" is complete.
The Perfect Mirror [ 500k ] In Myrtle Beach to record an album. Also working on Your "assignment". Praying to You for guidance, for Vision, "to see her as You do". Some time later, the words and music come in 15 minutes; in less than a day a recording's been made. Listening to the tape the following morning, my eyes fall on Your photo and fill with tears: the words I am singing to her, You are singing to me! Truly, You are "The Perfect Mirror" to us as we must be to each other.
All in Time [ 444k ] All in Time: Driving upstate during the blizzard of '94, to rehearse for Your centennial birthday show. Following my heart along snow-laden roads. Later, in my friend's attic with his 12-string guitar. Like a wolf on the prairie, I fling my wordless prayer into the winter sky. ("I sing my song to the wide open spaces. I sing my heart out to the Infinite Sea", as Pete Townshend says.) Back at work on Monday, the words come on the escalator, between the first and second floors.
Heal Us Baba [ 467k ] Splattered out on the floor of Your Lagoon Cabin, telling the sad tale: so much love, conjuring so many wounds, all drawn to the surface by the promise of love's healing. Love falls under ancient pains, or so it seems. Help, please! Suddenly, You are in Your chair, white sadra flowing, simple and glorious. And every cell radiates with these words: "I am the Christ, the Source of All Healing." A long moment of grace ... "Then heal us Baba! Heal us!" Returning to my cabin, Your prayer extends to encompass the world, which is really the world within myself. I pick up my guitar and play.
The Only Thing Clear [ 450k ] In the Pilgrim Garden at Meherabad, complaining to You in muffled tones, verses whispered into a cassette recorder. Who else can I tell? It's far too personal for me to share, but I bring it once to Your Samadhi: "I've read about lovers and the trials they face -- I wish You'd be more careful where You give Your Grace. I was looking for comfort and a resting place; instead You're keeping me restless for a lovely face. And The Only Thing Clear is that You want me here." Yet You play the same game with many of Your lovers. A year later Mani, hearing it, says: "Baba was singing to me through you."
You Taught Me to Let Go [ 431k ] As I sit at the piano beginning this song, I glance across to see Mehera beaming with delight. Encouraged by your smile, I sing: "So now you're out there somewhere, and I love you just the same, but I no longer need you babe -- How strange is God's great game ... You taught me how to love ... You Taught Me to Let Go." Awarded Billboard magazine's "certificate of achievement" for 1994. But it's an achievement I have yet to achieve. As usual, You turn the world's "truths" on their head. It's not the cliche the world adores: "letting go" is letting go of me, not love, which endures eternally.
[Note: The contents of these "Kalyan" Web Pages are (c) Tony Paterniti, 1996]
All songs (c) Tony Paterniti, 1994
Painting of Baba in Assisi by Max Reif
Broken Heart drawing by Clara Mehera Paterniti