HONEYMOON WITH BABA

 
The buildup of love that had been occurring during that stay at the [Meher Spiritual] Center came to its climax one day when a group of us were walking with Baba from the Guest House to His house at the north end of the Center. When we came close to the gate of His house, He sent us away. But somehow, this time I was not able to obey Him.

I felt such a strong pull toward Him, much stronger than usual. Baba and the mandali passed through the gate, the mandali walking ahead and Baba following. This was unusual since the mandali usually followed Baba. I stopped at the gate, not daring to go any further.

Then I looked back at the others, who had stopped to talk some way off. I was puzzled that they didn't seem to feel this pull from Baba, but they didn't seem to notice anything and neither did the mandali. I looked again at Baba. He turned around and looked at me, and I felt as though He were a large magnet pulling me to Him. Yet, I didn't dare to move forward because He had sent us away. He motioned to me to leave, smiled and turned away, following the mandali.

I tried to go, but I just couldn't. Still He pulled me. Trying to tear myself away was torture. Baba kept turning around, smiling with such love — and pulling. It was only Baba and me; the rest of the world didn't exist. The bittersweet tug-of-war went on for awhile until finally I could bear it no longer and I gestured to Him, "Why do you send me away and pull me to You at the same time?"

He smiled with incredible love in His eyes. He made a short gesture of dismissal and only then was I able to leave, although not easily. I often wonder what would have happened if I had not asked that question. My honeymoon with Baba had reached its peak.