Meher Sarod Bhau Kalchuri Oh Meher, God-Incarnate this is dedicated to the Original Song to be tuned by everyone in the creation to fulfill the purpose of life.

CONTENTS 1984 © Bhau Kalchuri. All rights reserved. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS INTRODUCTION FORWARD PREFACE INDEX TO GHAZALS MEHER SAROD GHAZALS COMMENTARY ON GHAZALS THE SOUND OF MEHER'S SAROD

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS It was Meher Baba Himself who taught me how to write ghazals and gave me the inspiration to write what is contained in Meher Sarod. Meher Baba Himself titled this book and arranged for its publication in Hindi just a few months before He dropped His mortal body to leave behind His immortal words. Meher Baba must be acknowledged foremost for He is the very Source of everything contained in this book of poems. The ghazals have been translated into English by me over a period of years, and David Fenster and Peter Booth co-ordinated the editing. In certain instances, I have given commentaries on the meaning of some couplets. David Fenster was a great help and did much work typing the translations, commentaries and foreword. I am grateful to him and to Peter for their help in preparing the manuscript for publication. Lawrence Reiter, who organized the final manuscript for publication, helped select many of the titles for the ghazals, and also designed the book. Lois Breger and Lindsay W. Reiter contributed to the final copyediting. Appreciation and gratitude is expressed, as always, to the supporters of Manifestation, Inc. Bhau Kalchuri      1984      contents

INTRODUCTION The hundred and seventy songs of Meher Sarod by Bhau Kalchuri are the poems composed by the author after the Persian pattern of ghazals. They contain verses which sound like tap dances made up of strange contortions erupted by an interplay of heart and mind forces. They are tiring when imagined how painful they were in experience, but how enlivening and joyous they are when read in their lyrical presentation. Oh Meher, I am tired of dancing to Your whims. To cope with the whims and fancies of the Beloved by implicit obedience tantamounts to being tossed about like a football aimed at the goal of life, with an art of passing and placing in a field of scientific love-game. The Beloved is a past-Master in the art of flirting with human hearts, but an avowed object. The course of love-making and love-taking is full of inconsistencies unpalatable to bear up with, but firmly grounded in the Knowledge and Benevolence of the Perfect Master. Meher Baba has given Bhau inspiration to write these ghazals. On several occasions and at junctures, Baba has taken interest in suggesting and forming thoughts and words that have gone into the structure of Meher Sarod. The entire book is a Song of Love set up to the tune of the Beloved's charm. The love from the side of Beloved Meher Baba to man is His glorious Presence that resides in the heart of everyone who has either the fortune or the longing to feel it and be blessed by Him. A man has to set himself aside from all his preferences and attachments to body and mind. That is why Bhau says: How can one who has become the dust at Your feet and annihilated his existence have anything left in his account? How can he have any veil? Think of the Beloved more than you think of yourself. Love Him more than you love yourself. How fortunate is the writer to have a close affinity with the King of lovers, and how potent would be his experience to ignite the hearts of the readers with the sparks of his Beloved's Love. The one whom You live near is very fortunate. Reading carefully through the poems, one cannot but be conscious of the "yes" and "no" presentation of the push and pull relationship with the living God who is as much a Man. The Master's perfection covers the extremes of the attributes of God and Man. Contractions denounced by logic are embraced by love, but not without a touch of suffering. When the suffering becomes poignant, what it blurts out are Bhau's words of bitter complaints and defeat. Now my heart is terrified even to hear the name of Love My tears are calling You And he adds: Where is Your need for me? I am tightly caught in Your net. Bhau cannot wait long and see his words of complaint misconstrued, although they are a true picture of his weariness and agony. The poet recovers quickly from his mood and interrupts by saying: Oh Meher, had You not accepted me I would not have achieved the aim of my life. The purpose of life, the poet says, has been made clear to him by the Master having made him His own. The process of being made His own is that which follows the process of disowning oneself. One cannot be owned by the Master if he continues to own himself. Bhau's words here are meaningful: My own existence is becoming my enemy I am annihilating my self and finding God. Any soul who realizes his true individuality realizes God. Personality is a form individuality puts on during the protracted process of evolving consciousness to know itself but in the very process of doing this, it gets confined to the awareness of personality and continues to be unaware of its true individuality. A friction arises between the disposition of individuality on one hand to know itself, and the assertion of personality on the other to maintain its false identification. Dispossessing personality calls for its eviction, as Bhau puts it in these lines: You have made me quite useless And because of it I am becoming most useful. I have to annihilate my own self and die. You have nothing to do but lift the curtain. You are hidden by my own self. A tremendous tension created with oneself is part of a struggle between the true and the false, both entrenched firmly in their positions, and the result, in Bhau's words is: What tribulations and difficulties I always find in Your lane. In Your lane the knife is piercing my heart at every step. May my last breath be taken in Your remembrance. We were thinking You were the wax But we found that You are stone. There is no power in the world that can contain the two opposing forces of good and evil, except love of the Beloved. Love can level up the opposing forces and bring peace and harmony in life, and the life hereafter by finally transcending them to the Eternal Bliss of the Beloved. Much as the art of unadulterated and unselfish love sounds uncommon and impractical, it is the only power that can relieve humanity from the present chaos and uneasiness through the Love Blessings of Meher Baba, about whom Bhau has chosen to sing and make others sing in an unfailing chorus of Avatar Meher Baba Ki Jai! Adi K. Irani      Ahmednagar, 1970      contents

FORWARD It was summer in Poona, April 1968, and by early morning it was already hot. I sat directly under the fan in my room upstairs at Guruprasad with a copy of The Wayfarers which I was translating from English into Hindi. I did not enjoy this translation work, but since Baba had asked me at Meherazad to do it, I had begun the translation as soon as the Mandali and Baba had settled in at Guruprasad. On this day in April which was to give birth to Meher Sarod, I continued working through lunch as usual on the translation, not joining the other men downstairs. Looking out the window, I though of all the lovers who would miss having Baba's darshan this year. Baba had declared that He would not give public darshan at Guruprasad, and He even had signs posted on the gates of Guruprasad stating Avatar Meher Baba Has Stopped Seeing or Giving Darshan to Anyone. He had also instructed the mandali that none of us were to leave the grounds. Instead of the usual morning meetings and darshan at Guruprasad, Baba was working in His room in strict seclusion, with orders for absolute silence in the building and on the grounds. After doing the inner work alone for several hours, Baba would walk into the main hall and call for the mandali. Baba would appear exhausted and weak as a result of His seclusion work The mandali would then join Baba in prayers—The Prayer of Repentance and The Master's Prayer. This was the daily routine and no one from outside was allowed in. I was exempt from these morning sessions because of the writing Baba had instructed me to complete. But at 2:45 every afternoon, I would close the notebooks and would go to be with Baba and attend to Him in His room from three o'clock until eight in the evening. Later, waiting on the verandah to be called into Baba's room, I squinted at the traffic on the road. Three o'clock was the hottest time of the day, and the afternoon sun blazed on the open patches of lawn and street. Inside, Baba's room was suffocating. Stepping into it was like walking into an oven. Every ventilator, window, and door was tightly shut by Baba's order. Baba sat on His bed, relaxed, in His long undershorts without a shirt, and His forehead and arms were covered with perspiration. I took a handkerchief and wiped Baba's brow as He inquired about the day's writing work, and remarked about what had happened in the morning with the other mandali. Baba was in a good mood, sitting on His bed. At about 6:30 as the evening twilight came He gestured, "Today I will teach you how to write ghazals." I was sweating profusely in the ninety degree heat, and did not say anything in reply. I had protested against writing ghazals previously, but Baba would not let the subject drop. "What's the use of arguing?" I thought. "Let Baba do what He likes." At Meherazad, over a year earlier, Baba had said, "I want you to write ghazals in Hindi." Surprised I replied, "Baba, it isn't possible. Ghazals can only be written in Persian or Urdu, not in Hindi or in any other language." Baba did not like my reply. "What do you take Me for?" He gestured. "I am Ustad — the Master. I taught (Dr.) Ghani to write ghazals and I will teach you; but you must try." I had tried, and the result was a hundred and eighty-five songs titled Meher Gitika. Baba had liked the poems very much, but He had remarked, "They are not ghazals but only ghazal-like." Now Baba said to me, "You have written with all your heart in Meher Gitika and the songs are good, but I want you to write real ghazals, and today I will teach you. I will give you one line, and I want you to repeat this line to the rhythm I will beat out." Baba then dictated this line,"Now my heart is terrified even to hear the Name of Love." I began repeating it slowly to Baba as Baba played a rhythm with His fist on His thighs like a tabla."Now my heart is terrified even to hear the name of Love ... Now my heart is terrified ... " Standing before Baba in the intense heat, I repeated this line over and over again. Half an hour passed. I was perspiring, and Baba was also perspiring as He repeated and repeated the rhythm. But I could not grasp the rhythm which Baba was trying to make me understand. After awhile I pleaded, "Baba, I do not follow; please do not take so much trouble for me." Baba gave me a sharp glance while never stopping His constant rhythmic pounding, and He gestured, "Continue, continue." So I continued to repeat the line to Baba for another half-hour. "Now my heart is terrified even to hear the name of Love." Despite the repetition, I still had no notion of the meter Baba was strenuously trying to make me grasp. Again I pleaded, "Baba, it is too hot in here; please stop this." But Baba would not hear of it, and again gestured, "Continue, continue." For another fifteen minutes the sound of Baba's thigh-slapping rhythm to my monotonous repetition of the same line went on. I became more and more exasperated during this final fifteen minutes, and found it difficult to concentrate because of the oppressive heat. As I said, Baba was also soaked with perspiration from the continuous exertion. It had been going on for an hour and fifteen minutes. Finally I could not contain myself any longer and I blurted out, "Baba, please stop now; I cannot follow a thing." This time Baba looked at me with disgust and gestured, "You're useless! Go and sit down." With this, Baba lay back on His bed, but continued hitting His thighs with His fists in the same fashion. I sat in a chair and looked at Baba who was lying on His back beating out the ghazal rhythm on His thighs. I though, "What a nut I am. I simply cannot follow what Baba wants me to understand. Baba took so much trouble for me but still I cannot understand. How can I compose ghazals in Hindi? It's impossible." Then something wonderful happened. As I sat in the chair with these thoughts, all of a sudden—like a gust of wind—understanding came to me, and instantly I knew what Baba wanted. I knew how to write ghazals, the meters and the composition! In turn, without saying a word, Baba immediately sat up and quickly snapping His fingers, He gestured, "Now compose!" Then and there, in five minutes, I wrote the first ghazal of Meher Sarod and read it out to Baba. Baba embraced me and said, "Yes, this is what I want." Tapping my head with His fingers, Baba continued, "This is what I was trying to make your hard 'nut' understand. From now on I will give you a line or so every day and you should continue composing in this way." From that exhausting evening in Baba's bedroom at Guruprasad, Meher Sarod was created. Every day for two months, April through June, Baba gave me one, sometimes two, sometimes many couplets to compose from. Other times, He would describe a story or give me information to put in verse form. Sometimes Baba was in such a good mood that He would compose the entire ghazal Himself! Each afternoon when I went to be with Baba, He would anxiously inquire, "How many ghazals did you write today? Read them out to Me." As I read to Baba He would gesture, describing each line. For instance with "My boat is sinking in a mid-ocean storm," Baba would spread His arms like an ocean during a storm. With "Don't you hear the voice of my heart shouting for help?" Baba would gesture as if calling for help. When I read, "What has happened to my heart's cup? I am weeping to find it empty." Baba pointing to His heart, would make the gesture for tears. I felt this reading followed by Baba's motions was like a song accompanying a dance. But much more than Baba's gestures, it was the expression on His face and in His eyes that amazed me. It was as if Baba Himself was actually passing through all the suffering of the lover's situation that I described. At those moments, Baba's heart was weeping blood. His heart was restless. He was suffering from the pain of longing and separation. I was awed to see Him like this. Although it seemed that all of Meher Sarod would just come to me, really speaking, it was inspired by my experiences at that time. One has no idea what I was passing through during that period with Baba. It was something terrible. I felt separation from Baba. Yes, separation—even though He was right there with me. I would feel separation; I would feel that I was far far away from Him. I would attend to Him, speak to Him, even eat with Him, but that feeling that I was somewhere far away persisted. That feeling that He was the Ocean and that I was simply talking to His man-form would always be there as pain. When I would read the ghazals, Baba would sometimes ask me to repeat a certain line that He especially liked, or sometimes the entire ghazal. Often Baba would embrace me, kiss me and say, "Have you any idea what you have written; how touching it is? Kabir has written exceptionally — his meaning is deep, but the language is lacking. But here, there is both language and depth. You have no idea what you have written. Your writing flows like a river." The ghazal form has the name of the author (as the lover) included in every poem. From the start, Baba was very particular that my name was included in the last couplet of every ghazal. Sometimes I would leave it out and Baba would insist on it being there. "Why did you leave your name out?" He would ask. "Write it in; it has to be there." At times Baba would even compose the lines and insert my name in them! For two months, the writing of ghazals went on, and by the time Baba and the mandali returned to Meherazad in July of 1968, Meher Sarod was considered finished. Nevertheless Baba continued to give me one line every day. With these particular couplets I would sometimes compose a ghazal and read it to Baba but for the most part I just wrote down these lines and kept them aside. It was after Baba dropped His physical form on January 31st, 1969, that I completed writing ghazals from those lines of Baba's which created the book titled Meher Roshani. It was Baba Himself who gave the title Meher Sarod. Sarod is a musical instrument, but here the word means "song". In October of 1968 Baba asked Keshav Nigam from Hamirpur to have Meher Sarod published in Hindi, and by the first Amartithi in 1970 the books had been printed and distributed in India. Bhau Kalchuri      Ahmednagar, 1979      contents

PREFACE While writing these ghazals I experienced that if Beloved Baba wishes, He can give speech to a stone. As far as ghazals were concerned, my mind was like stone but Beloved Baba wanted me to write ghazals and He inspired me to do so. Beloved, I know not what You made me write. For many ghazals You gave one line and then completed them. These ghazals are the gift of Beloved Baba; the arrows of His glance struck my heart and awakened me to compose them. While depending fully on the Beloved, my helplessness received this prasad from Him, which is now before the reader. Bhau Kalchuri      Meherazad, 1968      contents

I am the Beloved of all; I am the very life and heart of everyone. — Meher Baba

MEHER SAROD BHAU KALCHURI INDEX TO GHAZALS Couplets in the ghazals of Meher Sarod from Meher Baba appear in italics     1  PREVENTING ANYONE FROM SNATCHING YOU     2  WITH THE GIFT OF YOUR PLEASURE     3  BRING AN END TO YOUR GAME     4  THIS BITTER AND BLISSFUL PAIN     5  THIS PAIN BRINGS ME TO YOU     6  LONGING FOR THE GIFT     7  THIS PATH ALWAYS FOLLOWS ITS PILGRIMS     8  AM I A BURDEN TO YOU?     9  THE FIRE OF MY HEART IS CALLING YOU   10  TO THE ABODE OF DUST   11  I FIND CONTENTMENT IN MY PLIGHT   12  HE HAS FOUND THE SHORE   13  THE PARROT IS FREED   14  THE GROUNDS OF INFINITY   15  WHAT STATION IS THIS?   16  BECOME MAST-LIKE BECOME MAD   17  FROM WHERE DO WE BRING THAT LOVE?   18  THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE YOU HAVE LOVED HIM   19  THE POVERTY OF MY HEART   20  MY HEART GETS A TERRIBLE FRIGHT   21  YOUR NAZAR   22  AFTER DRINKING WINE   23  AFTER THE FINAL FANA   24  BY HIS KINDNESS HE GAVE WINE   25  WHERE I LONG TO HEAR HIS VOICE   26  DISTANCE SO UNIMAGINABLY VAST   27  WEEPING IN YOUR REMEMBRANCE   28  I AM ABOUT TO COLLAPSE DANCING   29  NOW I WANT ONLY DEATH   30  REPEATEDLY BIRTH AFTER DEATH   31  WHEN WILL HE SHOWER HIS GRACE?   32  OUR RESTLESS TEARS ARE CALLING YOU   33  THE NAME OF LOVE   34  NOTHING IS LACKING   35  I GAINED AFTER BECOMING DUST   36  IN THIS ASH   37  WITHOUT PATIENCE NO ONE GAINS   38  TO HEAR THE SONG OF YOUR SILENCE   39  MY TEARS ARE ON FIRE   40  FROM DRINKING WINE I HAVE LEARNED THIS MUCH   41  TOWERING IN THE WIND   42  YOU HAVE TAUGHT US TO FORGET   43  IN MY DRUNKENESS   44  WHEN MY DUST WEPT WITHOUT TEARS   45  NOW THEY ARE MAD AFTER ME!   46  LIFE IS NOT LIFE WITHOUT LONGING   47  LOST IN YOU LOVE'S INTOXICATION   48  YOU HAVE ONLY TO LIFT THE VEIL   49  MY TEARS DO NOT MOVE YOU   50  SEPARATION FROM THE BELOVED IS KILLING ME   51  THE BELOVED PROLONGS THE AGONY   52  UNTIL GRACE DESCENDS   53  SEARCHING FOR YOU IN EVERYONE   54  I AM OUTSIDE YOUR WINESHOP   55  WHAT IS THE SECRET OF YOUR WINE?   56  I LEARNED TO SING   57  THE SONG THAT TOUCHES YOU   58  FROM ONE OCEANSPRAY   59  WHAT WAS THAT WINE   60  WHEN WILL I EXPERIENCE THE SECRET?   61  ROSES PIERCE THE HEART   62  ON SEEING BHAU'S PLIGHT MY HEART LOST ALL DESIRE TO LIVE   63  PAIN HAS SEALED MY LIPS   64  HE SHOOTS ARROWS THROUGH HIS SMILE   65  AS HE PLAYS HIS SAROD   66  I WAS ONCE A PROUD SOLDIER   67  NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE IT   68  YOU ARE EVER-MANIFEST   69  IT PROVED AN EXCEEDINGLY LOVING FAVOR   70  BELOVED, YOU ARE BOTH   71  ONLY BY KNOWING YOU IS IT POSSIBLE   72  OH MEHER, YOU ARE THE BELOVED OF ALL   73  WHAT HIS KISS WILL BRING   74  YOU HAVE BROKEN THE LIMITS   75  LIFT US WITH YOU LOVE   76  LOVE HAS BECOME THE PLAGUE OF MY LIFE   77  MY WOUND SWALLOWED ALL MY WANTS   78  BEFORE HIS OPPRESSIONS   79  AN INVITATION ENGRAVED IN BLOOD   80  I HAVE FILLED AN OCEAN WITH MY TEARS   81  OH BELOVED, BHAU IS DREAMING   82  A SMALL THING SO COMPLICATED   83  THE LIGHT OF YOUR SILENCE   84  OH MEHER, HOW LONG?   85  UNLESS HIS IMAGE SMILES   86  I DRANK MY TEARS   87  HOW FOOLISH TO WANDER   88  MY CUP IS NOT YET EMPTY   89  FILL IT OR BREAK IT   90  TO DRINK THE OCEAN   91  PATIENT FOR AGES   92  HE HIDES IN HIS LIGHT   93  THE PRICE OF HIS GLANCE   94  REMAINING HELPLESS   95  HOW CAN I TOUCH MY HEART?   96  WHAT ELSE CAN MY WORSHIP BE?   97  YOUR GARDEN HAS BECOME A WINESHOP   98  TO YOU IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE   99  I FORGOT TO LISTEN TO MY OWN EXHORTATIONS 100  WAVING YOUR DAGGER 101  LAUGHING AT THE TEARS 102  ONLY GOD KNOWS WHRE YOU ARE 103  YOUR REMEMBRANCE IS THE TEARS 104  IN THIS PATH OF LOVE? 105  ASK THE HEART ABOUT HIS GAME 106  WHY BOTH OF US CANNOT RELAX 107  SO HELPLESS I CANNOT TURN BACK 108  GOD IS MORE MURDEROUS 109  PAIN FINALLY PROVED USEFUL 110  MY LIFE BECAME WORTH LIVING WHEN MY HEART WAS BROKEN 111  MY LIFE DOES NOT AFFECT HIS INDIFFERENCE 112  WE STOOD IN HIS COURT 113  WINE TURNED INTO A DAGGER 114  WHEN I SANG TO YOU 115  GIVE A LITTLE CONSOLATION 116  MY MOOD IS SPOILED 117  THE WICK OF MY PAIN 118  WHEN EVERYTHING STOPPED 119  I SHALL HIDE YOU IN MY HEART 120  YOU ARE MY SONG 121  IT IS NOT IN VAIN 122  IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 123  THE FIRE THAT FINDS YOU BURNS ONLY IN THE MAD 124  IN THE EYES OF ATHEISTS 125  ONE MUST DRINK TEARS 126  ALL BUT DEAD 127  DYING WITHOUT A DEATH 128  MY BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE 129  THE PRAYER CARPET IS SOAKED 130  WHO HAS NO ONE ELSE EXCEPT YOU? 131  HISTORY WRITTEN IN BLOOD 132  THE SECRET OF THIS DANCE 133  I WILL ALWAYS REMAIN BURNING 134  MY HEART SHAPED INTO A CUP 135  THE STORMS OF A TURBULENT OCEAN 136  DEATH CANNOT BEAR MY BURDEN 137  BOWED DOWN AT YOUR FEET FOREVER 138  MY LOVE MADE YOUR SILENCE SPEAK! 139  IMMORTAL SAR MAST 140  THERE MUST BE SOME SECRET 141  COMPLETELY USELESS TO THE WORLD 142  IN THE COMPANY OF GOD 143  THE VALLEY IS FILLED WITH MY TEARS 144  HE EXISTS IN YOUR HEART 145  THE SALUTATIONS OF MY TEARS 146  HAPPY TO BE AT YOUR FEET 147  YOU SEARCHED THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE 148  MY SONG IS WEEPING FIRE 149  THE SONG IN FORM 150  THE WORSHIP OF MY LIFE 151  LOVE HAS RUINED ME 152  IT IS ALL HERE TODAY AND GONE TOMORROW 153  THE RELATIONSHIP OF LOVE WITH THE MASTER 154  TO KEEP YOU INTOXICATED 155  AT LEAST SOMETIMES 156  IF THE HEART IS CLEAN 157  WHAT YOU HAVE TO ACHIEVE 158  THE PLIGHT OF THOSE ON THIS PATH 159  OH SAKI, MAKE ME LIKE YOURSELF 160  OH BHAU, LOVE SAYS 161  THE WATER OF ETERNAL LIFE FLOWS FROM HIM 162  MY HEART HAS BECOME MAD 163  THERE IS NO BELOVED LIKE YOU 164  A WORTHLESS WRECK 165  THIS LOVE MAKES A MAN BECOME GOD 166  SINGING ON THE GROUNDS OF INFINITY 167  MY HELPLESSNESS PRIED OPEN THE WINESHOP’S DOOR 168  TO SEE YOU AS YOU ARE 169  WINE HAS BECOME A BURDEN 170  THE WORD OF WORDS IS COMING contents

MEHER SAROD GHAZALS PREVENTING ANYONE FROM SNATCHING YOU Oh Meher, allow the fire to sketch Your Picture today. See how it tries while dancing to Your tune. Your picture is infinite—it can never be measured, Yet this fire can draw it as it burns me to ashes. I am weeping and crying day and night—I am helpless, But this fire saves me and keeps me on the Path. Even my enemies weep at seeing my plight. How can I call You my Beloved when You have no mercy? I am traveling far and wide telling of Your cruelty To frighten and prevent anyone from snatching You away. Oh Bhau, what can I tell you about the Path of love? I cannot live without my Beloved, yet He kicks me and I feel pleased. GHAZAL ONE index ******* WITH THE GIFT OF YOUR PLEASURE Oh Meher, won't You feel pleased with my song? It will gain life with the gift of Your pleasure. What a sin it is to list my complaints against You. I speak out only because You already know what they are. I found everything when I found Your footprints; My path was lit and now I tread it without fear. I am constantly sinning, knowing You are the Ocean of Mercy. It may be a mistake, but my faith in You cannot be mistaken. When I turn into ash I will find the song at Your doorstep, But waiting there for Your grace, I am almost dead. Oh Bhau, the song I found at His threshold burns me like fire. Now longing for union with Him is my life's only desire. GHAZAL TWO index ******* BRING AN END TO YOUR GAME I am searching for You, oh Meher, but I cannot find Your address. Love's lamp is weeping in my heart; I cannot bear its pain. You are so close to me, yet remain so far And from Your distance You watch my constant burning. How can I walk on a path full of fire? Only by becoming fire am I able to tread it. Oh Beloved, do not leave me after an embrace. Bring an end to Your game of hide and seek! I am grateful to You for giving me this song of fire— I know that singing it is not in vain. Oh Bhau, tell me, what should I do in this path of fire? I am treading it day and night as if not treading it at all. GHAZAL THREE index ******* THIS BITTER AND BLISSFUL PAIN Oh Meher, if You had not accepted me I could not achieve the aim of my life. Oh Beloved, if You had not applied soothing ointment to my wounds, I would not have experienced this bitter and blissful pain. I did not come into the world because I wanted to, And I will not leave it by my own desire. The wheel of karma keeps me in this life and takes me from it, If not, the world never could have kept me bound. I have learned to swallow my wails of pain in Your love; If I had not, I would have died from this terrible suffering. Oh Beloved, do not leave me after wounding me with Your arrow, For the wound makes me desire Your sweet embrace. Oh Bhau, I know the Beloved is digging your grave, But He is also preparing me to live in it eternally. GHAZAL FOUR index ******* THIS PAIN BRINGS ME TO YOU Oh Meher, Your remembrance pervades in my tears And this downpour lights a fire in my heart. My mind retreats from the pain, but Your love draws me on to You. At every step You console me, "The destination is right here." I am walking day and night without rest, And You tell me the destination is where I am. Mid-ocean's turbulence has become the shore Since Your hand came into mine; but now the destination follows me. Oh Beloved, I love Your pain more than I love You— You are indifferent, while the pain brings me to You. Oh Bhau, I am so restless I do not know what to do, But now I find my Beloved is with me all the time. GHAZAL FIVE index ******* LONGING FOR THE GIFT I am anxiously waiting for the gift of Your song. Oh Meher, why am I not worthy of receiving it? I have not found Your song's abode, but this much I know: I will reach it when all trace of pride disappears. I see station after station in this Path of love, But I am so enchanted by one I cannot go on to another. My life has become a barren autumn in Your love, But who can see the springtime in this fall? I have arrived in the city of the song of pain— With pain as my only remaining companion. Oh Bhau, where has the Path of love finally led me? In His love, I have no care for my life. GHAZAL SIX index ******* THIS PATH ALWAYS FOLLOWS ITS PILGRIMS Oh Meher, now that I made You mine Don't You think I am worthy of Your embrace? In love's beginning my life was fire—in the end just ash. Oh worldly people, don't you realize what this ash contains? This Path of love always follows its pilgrims. I found this true when I took one step toward You. Your reflection is in the mirror of my heart, But to see it I must bow at Your feet for all time. This song has taken me to Your threshold But I will have to wait for ages for a cup of Your grace. Oh Bhau, you have no idea how I long for that cup— But He has turned His back on me, concealing His face. GHAZAL SEVEN index ******* AM I A BURDEN TO YOU? Oh Meher, I am tired of this life in Your love Why do You always kick me? Am I a burden to You? At every step I did my best to bow to Your moods, But I weep because You are still not pleased with me. Your conduct as a friend has crossed the limit; I do not know if this is Your fault or mine. In this Path of love, death is birth and birth is death. I am dying every moment and living at the same time. When Your hand came into mine, the world came under my feet. Then I realized that the entire Universe had come out from me. Oh Bhau, how I pass these nights of separation from my Beloved! I call and call Him, but He still does not show His face. GHAZAL EIGHT index ******* THE FIRE OF MY HEART IS CALLING YOU Oh Beloved Meher, the fire of my heart is calling You— How will I pass through this night of Your separation? I thought there were two ends to the Path, but there is only one; I have been unnecessarily wandering day and night to find You. When I became Your slave, the world insulted me Not knowing that the slave one day becomes the Master. Your grace is this pain that You've given to me, For it draws me from the world and brings me to You. What is this way of love? I love my Beloved—He is indifferent; I serve Him wholeheartedly—He appears not to love me at all. Oh Bhau, do not ask the secret of the Path of fire. The world will never understand why I love the One Who kicks me. GHAZAL NINE index ******* TO THE ABODE OF DUST Oh, Meher, what light there is in Your remembrance— One who loses himself in it finds eternal life. To find You is to leave the self by turning it into ash, But this is not possible unless Your grace descends. I am looking for the Path of the abode of dust, But I am dying at every step of my journey. I know You do not give Your song to tears But I never dreamt you would deny it to fire! My faith consoles me that You are with me, Saying, "He cannot keep away from such burning." Oh Bhau, what can I tell you about the Path of love? I am dying in the beginning and I don't know what will happen by the end. GHAZAL TEN index ******* I FIND CONTENTMENT IN MY PLIGHT Oh Meher, where have You hidden, leaving me in this lane of suffering? How can I pass these nights of separation When Your pleasure became mine, I was ruined But I still find contentment in my plight. I cannot comprehend the wonder of the dream You have staged: While Your nazar is on me, You keep Yourself veiled. Come Oh beautiful moon, I cannot live without You. I am fed up with the light of the stars. As a fish is restless without water So I am restless without You. Oh Bhau, how can I explain that I cannot live without Him? I tell you the truth, I am fed up with this life. GHAZAL ELEVEN index ******* HE HAS FOUND THE SHORE Oh Meher, I love your agony more than my own life, And the one who lives Your agony has found the shore. My boat is sinking in a mid-ocean storm. Don't You hear the voice of my heart pleading for help? It is said You heard the cries of Draupadi. Don't my cries have the depth that attracts You? I am trying to reach the abode of eternal song, Let me hear a few notes of its melody and I will find it. My life became a cyclone when Your glance fell on me— Take care of it, for it now belongs to You. The two ends of love's path meet at one point: At one end is binding, at the other liberation. Oh Bhau, I am treading this Path without knowing where I am going. Where is my Comforter now? Is He bringing me to Him or not? GHAZAL TWELVE index ******* THE PARROT IS FREED Oh Meher, what has happened to my heart's cup? I am weeping to find it empty. One is fortunate who draws You close. One finds You by turning into dust. Wine is flowing from Your glance, But only a head that is bowed can drink it. How can I forget You oh Beloved? Your arrow is still in my heart. When Your pleasure is sought, everything is found. The cage door is opened and the parrot is freed. Bhau's life faces a barren autumn; He is so helpless, he can only laugh. GHAZAL THIRTEEN index ******* THE GROUNDS OF INFINITY Just like a wounded deer, I am caught in the trap And dancing in agony on the grounds of infinity. You are not satisfied shooting arrows at my wounded heart, You are pouring salt on the wounds—I am now writhing in pain. How can my wounds heal when Your arrows are constant? The only thing I can do is silently beg for Your mercy. I have only one desire and that is to see You. I'm taking every risk—I'm throwing my life to the wind. I have left the sacred thread, repetition beads, and traditional prayers; I've left everything and You've become the sole object of my longing. Either come or draw Your bow back farther, As I derive pleasure from the pain of my wounds. Oh Meher, my Beloved, come! My wounds are very deep. But I am taking Your darshan in the pain of each one. Now the arrow and the salt have become my very life; I cannot live without them—but with them I am dying. Without Him, this life is suffering and hell. Oh Bhau, how can I go on living? I cannot bear this separation! GHAZAL FOURTEEN index ******* WHAT STATION IS THIS? After having heard the verses of Your silence We have made Your Name famous throughout the world. My account is tremendous; how can I settle it When what is required is in Your hands? Why do You go on punishing Your slave When he has served You with all his heart? Death is standing before me—I want to die, But death will not bring me the morning cup. What station is this? I cannot go forward or back I am enchanted and only long to remain here. Oh Meher, look at me—see how I am suffering! Do not ignore the salutations of my tears! Oh Bhau, because of love I am ridiculed by the world. But now, even the One I love is also laughing at me! GHAZAL FIFTEEN index ******* BECOME MAST-LIKE BECOME MAD Become mast-like, as Sar Mast. Do not be self-conscious—become completely mad! Sar Mast sacrificed his life for the sake of Truth. Follow his example and manifest the Truth. Oh Meher, You have told me time and again That I should vanish—and become a shop of wine. You are the Light to be worshipped—make me the moth So that I can burn my existence in You. Wine flows through Your glance. Oh Beloved, make me a cup to contain it. Oh Bhau, Mira had a taste of that wine— She appeared mad, but she was really sane. GHAZAL SIXTEEN index ******* FROM WHERE DO WE BRING THAT LOVE? From where do we bring that love which makes You happy? From where do we bring that want which wipes out all wants? The knife is piercing our hearts and drawing tears. From where do we bring that temperament which alone can bear it? This life has finally become tuned to Your moods. From where do we bring that courage that bears Your tyranny? Oh Meher, we have offered ourselves in sacrifice. From where do we bring that worship which pleases You? Oh Bhau, we have lost everything in His love. From where do we pay the price of His nazar? GHAZAL SEVENTEEN index ******* THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE YOU HAVE LOVED HIM The message of our heart's voice did not reach You. Its plight is unbearable! How can we expect any rest? Although we have made our heart Your abode, Our names are still not listed in Your court. We have died to the world for You! But You have no compassion. The dead are restless for a cup! But You won't give even a drop. Only a few courageous hearts live in Your court— Although we're dead to the world, we still have no place there. Oh Meher, I have become Yours after bowing my head at Your feet forever But I am grieved that my name is still not included in Your court. Oh Bhau, throughout Your life, you have loved Him. But regretfully—word of your sacrifice has yet to reach His ear. GHAZAL EIGHTEEN index ******* THE POVERTY OF MY HEART The world has come out of me—I have not come from it! So there can never be any excuse in love. The poverty of my heart does not allow me to embrace the Beloved. Otherwise, is there any drop which cannot become the Ocean? Everyone is defeated in their journey to the abode of love; But reaching it is not impossible—with longing and courage. Oh Meher, Your glance bestowed a helplessness that enabled me to do anything, The world had its hands around my throat, but I was able to kick it off. Oh Bhau, I drank the blood of my heart and was thrown into a mid-ocean storm. I have embraced the One who cannot be embraced! GHAZAL NINETEEN index ******* MY HEART GETS A TERRIBLE FRIGHT My heart gets a terrible fright even to hear the name of love. It was murdered by love – but now my heart has become the murderer! I have endured a thousand types of pain in Your separation. My heart was swallowing pain— but now pain is swallowing my heart. My Beloved was pleased to see me all alone—and in my solitude My heart became the gathering place of His lovers. I was extremely clever—but I have become useless in Your love My heart has gone mad and does not care what it has to face. Oh Meher, what have You done to my heart? It does not care about me. All it wants is to make me suffer so it can draw closer to You. I was searching for You but You were hidden. Now, because of Your grace, my heart has become Your abode. What trials and hardships are in this Path of love! My heart is dying from just thinking about them! I do not know what to do or where to go. Who can console my heart, weeping and becoming His? Oh Bhau, I am forging through a storm of tears And my heart is tearing out of my chest! GHAZAL TWENTY index ******* YOUR NAZAR When did You every have Your nazar on anyone? When did my cry of agony ever have an affect on You? You do not care about my life, You only want to wound my heart. Why do You behave like this? Why do You look at me with anger? Although I say I have met You—I have not, Because You do not wish to meet my self. Oh Meher, what is not possible for You— The One Who creates pearls out of drops of dew. Oh Bhau, how long can I remain restless? He has forgotten me and does not wish to take notice. GHAZAL TWENTY-ONE index ******* AFTER DRINKING WINE I repent for having entered Your lane. At every step a dagger pierces my heart. My legs are bound by the shackles of Your pleasure. Did I enter Your lane only to enslave myself? I cannot go forward; I cannot go back— What suffering prevails in Your lane! How can the atheist understand this life? Only a few can enter Your lane after drinking wine. Oh Meher, now my heart is in pieces And I find only thorns in Your lane. Thousands of lovers are weeping; They have become dust, once entering Your lane. I cannot die, I cannot live— What dilemmas are in Your lane! I have destroyed myself, wrecked my existence; Tell me, what more can a lover do? Every breath of Bhau's has breathed Your pleasure, But now he lies weeping in the dust of Your lane. GHAZAL TWENTY-TWO index ******* AFTER THE FINAL FANA Our every breath should breathe Your remembrance, and in Your remembrance our breathing should stop. But after the final fana there is only You, and not even this remembrance remains. In searching for You, Beloved, life was ruined; now it is finished. Your flittering glance made thousands of wounds in our hearts. In becoming useful to You, we have become totally useless in the eyes of the world. We were tested—but the loving glance of Your indifference brought us along the Path. What type of life is this? There is no rest for even a moment. In love's fire You appeared kind— but now we find You are infinitely cruel. You gave us thousands of comforts without our asking— it was Your grace. Who will understand that the torments You showered are comforts to us? Oh Meher, what should we do with a love That only brings kicks from You and ridicule from the world? We thought You were soft like wax—gentle-hearted and all love, But You are a stone-hearted Trouble Maker and Cruelty personified. The Ocean is fire—how can we drown in it and cross it at the same time? We encountered thousands of storms as soon as we stepped in its flames. I love the agony of intense longing more than I love You! How can I be free of it without union with You? Oh Bhau, where should we go? How can we leave Him? This is our dilemma—the Beloved remains an unrelenting killer! GHAZAL TWENTY-THREE index ******* BY HIS KINDNESS HE GAVE WINE If Meher is with us, our life is Reality. If we shun Him, our life is hell. We are in pain from head to foot, completely forlorn, But the sigh of our pain is the treasure of the Truth. If He turns His face from us—we will not be able to breathe. Our life is nothing but the quarry of His pleasure. Since His hand gripped ours, the lamp on the Path was lit. Since He showered His grace on us, this life has become love. I did not ask for wine—but by His kindness He gave it. What grace! This empty life became an offering at His feet. Oh Bhau, why did you shed tears over the hardships of this Path? Total destruction of your worldly life is the price of His one loving glance! GHAZAL TWENTY-FOUR index ******* WHERE I LONG TO HEAR HIS VOICE Oh Meher, how can I tell You what is needed? I am ashamed to confess, I need Your help at every step. I am angry with You for being indifferent with me. Still I long to talk to You, but I do not know why. You know I cannot live without You— so You have become stone-hearted. Oh Beloved, when will Your heart become soft again toward me? I long for that sight of You which will make me Your image, But I will never gain it without Your grace. I'm helplessly dying and You shower more impressions upon me. Is this all You can do? Oh Beloved, for once show me some mercy! In this Path of love I wanted to seek Your pleasure, But the time has come when I just want to die. To die and be born again is the usual pattern, But I long for that annihilation—to cross the limit of both. I have heard that the voice of His silence is infinite. Oh Bhau, I have reached the stage where I long to hear that voice. GHAZAL TWENTY-FIVE index ******* DISTANCE SO UNIMAGINABLY VAST Oh Meher, today Your remembrance is smiling in my tears. Why has the hoped-for union not arrived? I know You are thousands of times nearer than breath, But Oh Beloved, that distance is so unimaginably vast. The suffering I have been graced with is dear to me. I am weeping to see You captured in the prison of my pain. I have been endlessly walking day and night, But I have not found the way from here to Here. I am inviting You to meet me through my carols of restlessness. Why won't You come near? Is this Your idea of love and friendship? I am ash in the fire of my song and now my ash lies weeping for union. Oh Bhau, how can I describe what a plight my Beloved has made for me? GHAZAL TWENTY-SIX index ******* WEEPING IN YOUR REMEMBRANCE Oh Beloved Meher, I am weeping in Your remembrance And my heart is deeply wounded by the fire of my tears. The Path will be lit if I hold Your hand in mine— But, oh Beloved, how can something so elusive be grasped? Your remembrance has ignited a fire in my heart; Remain awake there and let me sleep forever. Whatever I once remembered—I am now forgetting. But tell me, is this the way of finding or losing You? If I have the pain of Your longing the three worlds will come under my command. You will remain in the company of my heart, its wounds You cannot avoid. Oh Bhau, I finally decided to wash my clothes on the stone of His love. Seeing me labor, my Beloved gave me the nectar of love as soap. GHAZAL TWENTY-SEVEN index ******* I AM ABOUT TO COLLAPSE DANCING Oh Lord Meher, be merciful! I am about to collapse Dancing to the frantic beat of Your drum. I lost everything in my attraction to the mole of Your cheek, And dedicated my life just to dance to the beat of Your drum. Light comes from the sweetness of Your smile. Will anyone believe its soft rays deeply wound me? Pearls also come from Your smile's splendor. Your smile is my only source of help. Oh Beloved, I am drinking wine from Your sweet glance, But it is burning my heart and making me restless to be with You. Oh Bhau, this Path is the self's enemy that only one can pass through it. But I long to treat it for I cannot bear this pain of separation! GHAZAL TWENTY-EIGHT index ******* NOW I WANT ONLY DEATH Oh Meher, I am so helpless—I am cursing Your love! I do not want anything from You, not even Your union. You have pierced my heart with Your arrow; Now I am dying and I want only death. You have taken everything and burned my nest, But this agony I suffer in love is my treasure. After bringing my life under Your command, You have hidden Yourself. Where should I look for You? Where should I search for the Truth? Oh Saki, have mercy on this ash—I have dedicated everything. I have laid my life at Your feet—isn't that price enough? Oh Bhau, when I became my Beloved's—He left me. His behavior astonishes me, though I have observed it all my life. GHAZAL TWENTY-NINE index ******* REPEATEDLY BIRTH AFTER DEATH Oh Meher, let me drink the wine flowing from Your eyes. I have come a great distance, repeatedly changing clothes. Oh Beloved, be with me at every step— I have failed thousands of times trying to proceed on my own. Accept my life as a flower in Your garden. Though I am still a bud, allow me to bloom. I have spent my life searching for Your abode Only to realize that I will never find it without You as my companion. You are my only source of help—I belong to You completely. If you do not believe me, test me by changing Your moods. I know that You only shower mercy on fire—not tears. But, oh Beloved, the tears You see are from the fire in my heart. Oh Bhau, why is the moment of union always being postponed? My life is only of two days— how can I enjoy His union after it ends? GHAZAL THIRTY index ******* WHEN WILL HE SHOWER HIS GRACE? Oh Meher, Your remembrance has imprisoned me forever— And I have fallen in love with a convict's life. Oh Beloved, Your soft chest is a mirror of incomparable beauty! When will I look in it and see the reflection of Your face? Like the musk deer which searches elsewhere for the source of its fragrance, So I have been searching for you throughout my life. Now the sweat of my restlessness has made me thirsty for Your love, But the more I drink, the thirstier I become. I was swept into the air after becoming the dust at Your feet. I was not afraid, knowing this breeze would bring me to Your threshold. Oh Bhau, you have no idea of how this dust weeps for union at His door. Its tears have formed an ocean— wondering when He will shower His grace. GHAZAL THIRTY-ONE index ******* OUR RESTLESS TEARS ARE CALLING YOU Where are You hidden, oh Meher? Our restless tears are calling You. At least once You could have come and consoled them. Your Name is a sigh on our lips and our yearning carries it to You. But You recede as it approaches—what is it that makes You so shy? We can never extinguish this fire calling You. You do not seem to care that we are dying in Your love. Oh Beloved, our existence has become dust in Your love, But You don't seem to like the plaintive wail of its song. There are beggars at Your doorstep who want only Your pleasure. They want what You want, but still Your face is nowhere in sight. Oh Bhau, our dusty existence is waiting at His doorstep, Singing the song of pain, hoping somehow to draw His attention. GHAZAL THIRTY-TWO index ******* THE NAME OF LOVE Oh Meher, I have given You my heart—my most precious jewel. But now that it is in Your possession I find You need me no more. Day and night there is no rest for a mad heart in Your love. Every breath is filled with the fire of love's agony. Oh Beloved, lift the curtain shrouding Your face, I cannot live without You. The plight I am passing through is no one's fault but Yours. I have become just like a laundryman's dog Which neither belongs in his house, nor where he washes clothes. I left the world for You, but now You have left me. Oh God, this life of love is worse than hell! I am not alive or dead; just drinking the blood of my heart. How can I tell anyone what price must be paid for His grace! Oh Bhau, after entering love's lane why complain about the Beloved? You should know by now that annihilation is the name of love. GHAZAL THIRTY-THREE index ******* NOTHING IS LACKING Oh Meher, my life is in Your hands. It is flourishing and desolate because of You. Your face, oh Saki, is hidden in my cup. How can I see it without bending my head? Those who know everything and appear to know nothing Are real men and nothing is lacking in them. It is impossible to recognize You without Your grace, And I spent my whole life learning to recognize Your moods. How the wine You gave me transformed my existence! My heart pulled the rug out from under my own pleasure. Oh Bhau, where are you gong in your search for the Beloved's abode? You shall find it where you are standing— why go from place to place? GHAZAL THIRTY-FOUR index ******* I GAINED AFTER BECOMING DUST My life has become alive from Your sweet remembrance, Oh Beloved Meher, wherever You are there is light. Oh the wine You gave me! One sip of Your wine inflamed my heart. My nest is burning and the parrot now weeps. Oh what power is in Your glance! It made me helpless—absorbed and lost in You. You keep Yourself hidden behind the curtain, Yet You always claim You never veil Yourself. What have I gained after becoming dust? I lost all wants—His wish became my will. Oh Bhau, the Beloved does not hear even the song of dust. For lifetimes He has not responded to my dust singing at His doorstep. GHAZAL THIRTY-FIVE index ******* IN THIS ASH Oh Meher what has happened to You today? You have become the enemy of Your devoted slave. I am thirsty, but You will not give me a cup of wine. This night is passing—I am still quietly waiting. The pain of restlessness keeps me awake, anticipating the morning breeze. Oh Beloved, now I have crumbled to ash waiting for the morning cup. For ages I have begged for that cup, and now every moment is an eternity. Oh merciful but cruel Beloved— what pains, what torment You inflict. Oh Bhau, there is an Ocean of fire bubbling in this ash. When will His grace descend, restoring the Ocean's calm? GHAZAL THIRTY-SIX index ******* WITHOUT PATIENCE NO ONE GAINS Oh Meher, I bow down to You, but You kick me. When You first embraced me I thought You were all love. For years I have been Yours, but You have not been mine. I am deeply hurt, but I will never leave You. I long to gather the honey flowing from Your glance, But I do not have a jug to collect this nectar. You burned the nest of my existence—then deserted me. Oh Beloved, how cruel You are—making me an ocean of fire! You order, "Drown in the ocean; snatch the pearl from the bottom." But how can I do both? I have tried and tried but constantly I failed. Oh Bhau, be patient, you have fallen in love with the only Beloved. Without patience no one has ever gained the pearl. GHAZAL THIRTY-SEVEN index ******* TO HEAR THE SONG OF YOUR SILENCE Oh Meher, continue pouring wine through Your glance. I am tired and thirsty. Offer me drink after drink! How can I give utterance to the pain of Your arrow in my heart? I am lying in a ditch full of pain with no way out. I have no connection with the world and its affairs; Make me forget any thought of it and remember only You. I have lived to have just one precious glance. Keep me absorbed in You and push my self away. Oh Beloved, I am composing a song from the fire of my tears. If You will not call me near, at least let the flames of my song be near You. I have become completely deaf to hear the song of Your silence. Bhau has heard everyone else, now make him listen only to You. GHAZAL THIRTY-EIGHT index ******* MY TEARS ARE ON FIRE Oh Meher, my tears are on fire; Oh Beloved, I am burning alive! How cruel You are for not coming last night—so black it was. I am ashamed of Your cruelty and cannot contain this pain any longer. The beauty of Your wine-soaked lips! Death is nothing for a glimpse of them. What use are eyes which cannot see? From drinking wine I have been blinded to see You. The closer I come to You, the farther You withdraw. Why play such a game and suffer in my suffering? Oh Bhau, I am searching for Him in the city of song, with a song on my lips, But will the arrow of my song be able to reach His abode? GHAZAL THIRTY-NINE index ******* FROM DRINKING WINE I HAVE LEARNED THIS MUCH Oh Meher I am Yours, lying at the feet of Your pleasure, But I know Your nature—You are never loyal to anyone. Oh Beloved, You have uprooted my being and left me hanging. Never deceive anyone else as You have deceived me! My only concern in life is loving You. Don't vacate my heart even for a moment. The arrow of Your smile wounded me and forced me to drink wine. I have become your faithful slave— promise You will not be unfaithful. From drinking wine I have learned this much; Never hurt the feelings of anyone in the world. Oh Bhau, whatever tribulations you suffer, don't utter a word. Serve the Beloved with unfaltering love and let love seal your lips. GHAZAL FORTY index ******* TOWERING IN THE WIND Oh Meher, what is my heart enduring in Your separation? It is burning in pain yet it wants to burn more and more! When at last there is no one else in front of my eyes, My heart will drown in the Ocean and merge with You as One. Oh this wine and its intoxication! My heart weeps flames while enjoying bliss. The tree of Divine Knowledge is towering in the wind. I am slowly climbing it but my heart is filled with fear. What kind of stages are these in this Path of love? Only by drowning in fire can my heart pass through each one. Oh Bhau, how long can I hide the sighs of pain? Every pore is filled with pain, yet the Beloved whispers, "Don't open your lips." GHAZAL FORTY-ONE index ******* YOU HAVE TAUGHT US TO FORGET Oh Meher, one thing we know: we are coming closer to You. But still we are terrified—the distance is so great. Our legs are useless in a Path of such length; Only remembrance and longing are of any use. We are searching in the dark, but our tears ignited a lamp. Now we search for You everywhere with this lamp of love. In the beginning we constantly remembered You, But now our aching hearts themselves have become Your remembrance. With divine planning You have taught us To forget what we had previously learned. Oh Bhau, you know not the secret of this wine! We have forgotten how to walk—we go to Him now sitting. GHAZAL FORTY-TWO index ******* IN MY DRUNKENESS Oh Meher, Your love has overwhelmed me and I have lost all control. How can I function when my self is being torn apart? So that You alone may remain awake in my heart I am journeying to You while I am asleep. Oh Beloved, Your glance has left me dazed. I cannot fathom where its intoxication is leading me. I was once searching for You here and there. When I passed out from too much drinking, I found You within. Oh Beloved, You have made me useless to the world, But in my drunkenness I have become of some use to You. Oh Bhau, I have no concern in the least with the world. My Beloved accepted me when I lost the world for His sake. GHAZAL FORTY-THREE index ******* WHEN MY DUST WEPT WITHOUT TEARS Oh Beloved Meher, being ignorant I cursed the pain of longing for You. What a fool I was! This curse brought Your Name to my lips as I breathed my last sigh. I burned with thirst for a cup of wine Until one merciful glance bestowed it. I was absorbed in the stations along this Path of fire, But Your glance brought me through all their heavens' allurements. I was singing day and night in this fire of unimaginable pain, But now at the final station, I can only sing the song of Your silence. I feared being dust because of the pain every step along the way, But in the dust I found the bliss that is the pivot of my existence. Oh Bhau, the morning cup was brought when my dust was weeping without tears. In it I saw my Beloved's reflection and merged in Him. GHAZAL FORTY-FOUR index ******* NOW THEY ARE MAD AFTER ME! We are becoming intoxicated in the love of Meher. We are becoming strangers to our own selves. Death does not end living; dying is a link in the chain, The chain is broken only when the Beloved's grace descends. The lamp of love burning in our hearts is the tears of our Beloved's fire. From its flames we have risen as moths to return for the final consummation. We are not concerned with loss or gain— What is that, when we are completely intoxicated in His love! Our heads are bowed at His feet for all time. We are mad with longing to take His real darshan in the mirror of our hearts. The people of the world thought I had become mad, But oh Bhau what is this change? Now they are mad after me! GHAZAL FORTY-FIVE index ******* LIFE IS NOT LIFE WITHOUT LONGING Oh Meher, my heart has been broken into pieces, but the pieces are calling out Your Name. You are punishing me as a sinner, but what sins did I commit? Now my very breath has become wine. What a fire this drinking has lit in my heart! The world only laughs at me, there is not one with whom I can share my weeping. No one sees the lamp in my heart being lit by these tears. Your net is so painful, yet those not even searching are saved. But I have reached that stage where I do not want to escape it. Life is not life without longing for the Beloved. Though He is indifferent I must suffer in His love and beg for His intimacy. Oh Bhau, from my intimacy with the Beloved the world thinks I am mad. To whom should I turn? The Beloved Himself is now my enemy, killing me with longing. GHAZAL FORTY-SIX index ******* LOST IN YOUR LOVE’S INTOXICATION Oh Meher, I have become truly mad for You. The world has discarded me; now I am Yours alone. What a Word full of light is in Your silence! In its brightness I long to hear its sweet voice through You. When I am no longer here You will come to me, So let me be lost forever in Your love’s intoxication. Seeing my pitiful condition, even the lamp is shedding tears. Let me be a moth so I may burn myself away. You shall manifest when I am completely annihilated. Oh Beloved, consume me quickly and relieve Yourself of any undue suffering. Oh Bhau, what can I tell you about His grace? As soon as it descended I became the wineshop! GHAZAL FORTY-SEVEN index ******* YOU HAVE ONLY TO LIFT THE VEIL Oh Meher, tell me honestly, how long will You make me weep? You see I am dying but You relentlessly tease and torment me. Those tears which once kept me intimate are no longer here. This love invites my death through every sigh. I am drowning in the storms of His fire. Where can I go? I have no home left in this world. Oh Beloved, I die every moment in Your love. To end this You have only to lift the veil. I helplessly bear Your oppressions without a word of complaint. I have no other choice—but I remain completely Yours. Oh Bhau, let your eyes see spring blossoming landscapes during winter. Do not forget, He is the One who is equally present in winter as in spring. GHAZAL FORTY-EIGHT index ******* MY TEARS DO NOT MOVE YOU Oh Meher, when I wholeheartedly serve You as Your slave, Why have You become the enemy of my life? When I did not know how to swim, you refused to teach me. I begged for Your help, but You threw me into a mid-ocean typhoon. Still, oh Beloved, I belong to You completely. Now I turn my life’s account over to You—settle it as You wish. I gave up everything I owned; I suffered tremendously to be just a beggar at Your doorstep. But when I asked for alms, You slapped me. Is this Your idea of justice? My tears do not move You—but Beloved, what about the tears of my dust? You are infinitely cruel! You are absolutely stone-hearted! Oh Bhau, only those who have lost their intellect can tread the Path of love. Only those who have let it go can catch hold of the Beloved’s hand. GHAZAL FORTY-NINE index ******* SEPARATION FROM THE BELOVED IS KILLING ME To die every moment following Your commands is the life worth living. Of what use is the breath that does not breathe Your remembrance? Oh Beloved, I have no one else in the whole world except You. Why do You always disappear after love’s embrace? After enveloping my life in Your beauty, You retreated. My heart is now sick with pain from Your deceit. What of the world now survives in my heart? All thoughts of my self have left, and only thoughts of You remain. Oh Beloved, for years You have deliberately ignored me knowing full well I cannot leave You. Even though You saw me turn into ash—weeping how bitter love is—You looked away and remained indifferent. Oh Bhau, does anyone know what pain really is? I am dying every moment— I cannot eat, I cannot sleep; separation from the Beloved is killing me. GHAZAL FIFTY index ******* THE BELOVED PROLONGS THE AGONY Oh Meher, I entered Your lane seeking comfort, But now I am tortured every moment from Your cruelty. Oh Beloved, You never uttered one response to the sighs of my heart. And now every tear of pain is killing me. I cannot sleep, and this insomnia is completely ruining me. Only Your sweet embrace can ease my torment. Since Knowledge is Your nature, You must hear the invitation of my songs. Why didn't You come? Am I now an outcast— unfit for Your company? I lost everything in Your love, and now I too am lost. All that seems left is my heart's madness for You. Oh Beloved, my only desire is to receive Your loving kiss. But oh Bhau, the Beloved heartlessly enjoys prolonging my agony. GHAZAL FIFTY-ONE index ******* UNTIL GRACE DESCENDS Oh Meher, I fear by the time You are moved by this burning I will have turned to ash. How long will I have to weep until the moment of Your grace descends? I am seething day and night in Your separation. What will happen to my heart until it becomes blood in Your love? The drop is desperately struggling to find the pearl inside. How much must it suffer until it becomes what it seeks? I have unshakable faith that one day You will glance at me. But oh Beloved, I fear by the time You take notice I'll be in my grave. My heart is crushed to pieces by the desire to see You. I will be no more by the time Your nazar descends. Oh Bhau, I have endured my entire life waiting for His grace. But now it is certain; I won't survive this time until His grace descends. GHAZAL FIFTY-TWO index ******* SEARCHING FOR YOU IN EVERYONE Oh Meher, Your arrow has fatally wounded me. Now I seek death itself every moment. How does my life continue? What is really the difference between life and death When my existence is being swallowed in the effulgence of Your ocean? The lamp was ignited when Your wish became mine. Now in its light the Path can be clearly seen. You are the only resident in every dwelling, So I am searching for You in each and every one. What wine is flowing from Your eyes! With great effort I have had to bend my head to drink it. Oh Bhau, after displeasing Him, somehow I became a refugee without shelter. I am an outcast because of His displeasure— the whole world treats me with disdain. GHAZAL FIFTY-THREE index ******* I AM OUTSIDE YOUR WINESHOP Oh Meher, I have collapsed into the fire from calling You. All my efforts have failed; my constant pleas went unanswered. I am outside Your wineshop but You refuse to quench my thirst. Where have the days of Your eternal offering now gone? If You ever condescend to embrace me I will gain the three worlds, But You are indifferent and the days of spring have sadly passed. Oh days of love come soon and bring these tears of fire to an end— For this life is not living and this dying is no death. Oh Bhau, my tears have at last given me a lamp. Now it is clear that the days of rest are near. GHAZAL FIFTY-FOUR index ******* WHAT IS THE SECRET OF YOUR WINE? Oh Meher, what is the secret of Your wine? Why am I deriving comfort from this pain? I reached Your doorstep after becoming dust. Its tears now ask, "How long will enlightenment take?" I never veil myself, Oh Beloved; It is You who draws the veil when You see me. When my eyes are closed, the Ocean is a drop— But when my eyes are opened, the Ocean is seen in a drop. Oh Bhau, I am at the doorstep of the Beloved Waiting to see how much remains in my account. GHAZAL FIFTY-FIVE index ******* I LEARNED TO SING Oh Meher, today I burned my abode in the fire of my tears. I found the song while weeping and learned to sing it by Your grace. You are disloyal to Your lovers—unfaithful to the nth degree, But I keep my lips sealed and my head always at Your feet. I can never hide from Your piercing glance filled with wine. I have learned to shed tears of attraction to Your beautiful wine-glance. I never look at the lamp in my heart— my entire concentration is on You. Only my patience in this restlessness lets me know it still burns. When I became Your slave You became indifferent And taught me to dance to the tune of Your moods. Oh Bhau, I am fortunate for wanting the Beloved to murder me, For the Beloved slaughters those whom He loves the most! GHAZAL FIFTY-SIX index ******* THE SONG THAT TOUCHES YOU Oh Meher, how long will I be restless in Your pain? Where can I find the song that touches You? I have had enough of living like an oyster, How can I find the pearl and bring this life to an end? Oh Beloved, You have bestowed Your mercy by giving me pain, How can I ever repay the price of Your benevolence? The ocean is a bubble as long as You are hidden in it. How much longer can I implore You to burst it? You left after igniting this fire in my heart. To whom can I turn to stop Your flagrance? Oh Beloved who can help me when You have no mercy? Who else can give me a lasting sedative for my pain? Bhau, listen! I won't be able to bear this pain of longing, Yet it gives me bliss in separation and sustains my life. GHAZAL FIFTY-SEVEN index ******* FROM ONE OCEANSPRAY Oh Meher, I am approaching You singing Your song, But the closer I come the farther You withdraw. I am exhausted—chasing You into mid-ocean, but now I cannot turn back. I console my frightened heart saying, "He would never let you drown." I cannot live and do not die—what is this love? Every breath wearily pleads, "Oh Beloved, please accept me." Even my enemies cannot hold back their tears, seeing what has become of me. But oh Beloved, You just laugh and fan the fire burning in my heart. Real life is seeking Your pleasure even while drowning in an ocean of fire, Can I really live such a life? I start screaming from one oceanspray. Oh Bhau, my self shrinks back as I approach my Beloved. It knows now that nothing can stop me from going ahead. GHAZAL FIFTY-EIGHT index ******* WHAT WAS THAT WINE? Oh Meher, why have You deserted me? Why have You punished me with Your absence? What was that wine You made me drink? I lost all consciousness forever. You have filled my heart with a pain That will not let me live without You. You have garlanded me with jewels By turning me into a vagabond in the world. I would revile You for the pain in my heart, But Your gift has sealed my lips. I thought You would lift the veil— Instead You have hidden Yourself from sight. Oh Beloved, what kind of medicine have You given me? My disease has only grown worse! Oh Bhau, do you really know the value of His gift? All your wants are gone but one—to want what He wants. GHAZAL FIFTY-NINE index ******* WHEN WILL I EXPERIENCE THE SECRET? Oh Meher, I cannot come any closer to You, Yet I could never dream of leaving You. With every step this wound cuts deeper into my heart. Though I try to conceal it, the stab is enlarging. Why did You leave me? Everyone knows You are my Beloved— How can you expect me to hide that You have gone far away? You claim the abode is near, yet it is taking a lifetime to reach it. Coming any closer is impossible; I am too tired and cannot take another step. What Have I gained by Your friendship? A pain never sacrificed for any treasure—unable to be borne. Oh Bhau, I am the pilgrim and I am the abode; But when will I experience this secret? GHAZAL SIXTY index ******* ROSES PIERCE THE HEART Oh Meher, what should we, the helpless do in this Path of love? Your roses continuously pierce our hearts. Oh Beloved, our tears mean nothing to You, But they are the sparks lighting the heart's lamp to us. This fire in our hearts is the only means of Your remembrance, For after starting it, You denied having ever befriended us. You have stripped us completely naked. Wherever we wander people mock us and think us mad. We know You are sewing clothes in our exact size, But how difficult it is for us to put them on! Oh Bhau, do not inquire about the hardships of the Path. In His lane every moment is death. GHAZAL SIXTY-ONE index ******* ON SEEING BHAU'S PLIGHT MY HEART LOST ALL DESIRE TO LIVE Oh Meher, how can I tell You what remains for me to do? Only the pieces of my heart are left to eat and its blood to drink. I am on my way to a rendezvous with death itself, Having heard it can fit my heart back together. I have but one heart, but many are the storms it has to face, How can a boat fearful of turbulence cross an ocean full of storms? Although I exist in this world, my life is nothing but fire. It is bitter cold, yet I am covered with sweat. I am facing death day and night and turning into ash. You merely wave Your sword—You have not struck the final blow. Oh Bhau, do you know why my heart wants to die? On seeing Bhau's plight it lost all desire to live. GHAZAL SIXTY-TWO index ******* PAIN HAS SEALED MY LIPS Oh Meher, all I want is more sleepless nights of separation— But without a night of rest, I will surely die. My death in pain is Your delight I have given up any appeal for my life. The boat of my existence is now waylaid in mid-ocean; Squalls lash it mercilessly and crush it to pieces. I found happiness before I knew of You. Now life with You is hell indeed. Beloved, Your consolation increases my pain a thousand times! I am facing death—for God's sake, do not console me anymore! Oh Bhau, pain has sealed my lips with a needle of tears— How can I unburden myself when I cannot even utter a word! GHAZAL SIXTY-THREE index ******* HE SHOOTS ARROWS THROUGH HIS SMILE Oh Beloved Meher, at every step You add to my afflictions. Your mercy has become the enemy of my life! Outwardly He has me laughing, hiding the inner flow of tears; And the world in its innocence thinks He showers only happiness! It does not know He shoots arrows with His smile. It does not know the Beloved bestows only pain. Love is nothing but annihilation; there is no room for complaint. Still I cannot stop my tongue from complaining about You. He lives most in the hearts of those He kills, But I am so ruined I have forgotten this secret. Do not think He comforts the ones whom He consoles. I have seen them grieving in anguish all through the day and night. Oh Bhau, He broke all the promises He ever gave, Insisting He never broke any because He is the Truth. GHAZAL SIXTY-FOUR index ******* AS HE PLAYS HIS SAROD Oh Meher, why have You turned Your face away? How can my tears voice their bitter complaint? It is Your privilege, as the Truth, to kill me. I cannot stop Your hand—only make it bearable. After years I see the blessing in Your behavior. I have learned to derive pleasure from Your teasing and abuse. All sit entranced as You play Your sarod, But not one knows the pain of Your finger and the string. My heart fled when my life became fire. After searching everywhere I found it in Your hand. Oh Bhau, why shed tears when your fortune is this very pain of longing? Don't you realize you have received the Beloved's priceless gift? GHAZAL SIXTY-FIVE index ******* I WAS ONCE A PROUD SOLDIER Oh Meher, You have driven me utterly mad in Your love. From Your gift I've become innocent to the ways of the world. After You turned from the tears I had finally aroused to shed for You, I became a determined moth to burn my self in Your lamp of love. Oh Beloved, what bounty, what generosity You bestowed! Every bud now has the fragrance of Your wine. Your mercy was revealed when my ash forgot why it was weeping. One glance transformed my dust into a morning cup. To belong to You completely, something truly amazing has happened: I've become a stranger to my own self. I was once a proud soldier, thinking my bravery was appreciated in the Omniscient's eyes, But Your one glance so intoxicated me that now I know what bravery really is. Oh Bhau, I am horrified to see what my painful longing is producing. If anyone wants a description, one breath would fill volumes. GHAZAL SIXTY-SIX index ******* NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE IT Oh Meher, can we truly ever reveal to the world how You treat us in our longing? You kick us with all indifference at every step. We thought You were made of wax and our attraction was tremendous, But now we are bewildered to find You are nothing but stone. Oh Beloved, we are not fearful of the death that we invite with every breath. It is You who are ashamed to finally grant us our wish. What can be revealed about our condition in Your lane? I hope the world never finds out how You torment us! Oh Beloved, the world laughs and mocks us for following the Unfaithful One, Unaware that Your indifference is the vineyard's wine we drink. Oh Bhau, don't question me about this fire. Nobody would believe it— That all we long for while burning and weeping is more of the same! GHAZAL SIXTY-SEVEN index ******* YOU ARE EVER-MANIFEST Oh Meher, today I must confess the truth: I never wanted to call You, But my heart has become so mad that I can do nothing else. Oh Beloved, with great mastery You have turned me into a moth, And the candle You lit will burn until I am consumed. How can I drink these tears set on fire By a candle lit against my wish? It is my desire to demolish the nest of my existence, But it remains standing because of this desire. When I was playing in illusion, I thought You were veiled. But one glance made me realize that You are ever-manifest. Oh Bhau, how can the secrets of this Path be explained? Words can never capture what happens in the heart. GHAZAL SIXTY-EIGHT index ******* IT PROVED AN EXCEEDINGLY LOVING FAVOR What a gift You have given me, Oh Beloved Meher. My life is singing the song eternal! I thought You were a man, But now I've found You are God. Helplessness makes the infinitely difficult easy. You made me helpless, but I crossed the domain of illusion. From Your oppressions I thought You were ruthless and cruel, But this cyclone You produced proved an exceedingly loving favor. Is it possible to describe what You have done for me? You gathered the tinder to burn me to death! Oh Beloved, at last You made my eyes look into the mirror of the heart. As I saw intense burning for union, I saw You smile. Oh Bhau, how long have I waited at His doorstep for His final embrace? What great fortune it is indeed that I can wait in this storm of tears. GHAZAL SIXTY-NINE index ******* BELOVED, YOU ARE BOTH Oh Meher, You have left me helpless in the fire of Your love. My heart's wound itself is crying, what salve can ever soothe it? In molding me into Your slave You took away all, even breath— But the blame is mine, I chose Your bondage over a life of peace. Beloved, You cannot help it—You are both Prophet and Murderer. As a murderer, what is Your desire—stabbing or healing wounds? There is no longer any manner in which I can be patient My grief extends beyond the ocean that I filled with my tears. I would never have uttered a word or complained about You, But oh Beloved, You awakened such intense longing and then turned Your face away. Oh Bhau, how can this be the Path of love? I am dying for the Beloved every moment. The prison of His love is both my dungeon and my sanctuary. GHAZAL SEVENTY index ******* ONLY BY KNOWING YOU IS IT POSSIBLE Oh Meher, to where has Your world full of love disappeared? You have gathered all the garden's flowers and left me only thorns. Oh Beloved, how can I breathe without Your scent? When You turned Your back, my life's orchard withered. You are the only One, but in Your created illusion there are many. Only by knowing You is it possible to know each and all. I live with tears, I live pricked by thorns— But who sees my heart smile with each jab? Oh Beloved, won't you ever come and kiss me? The name of my life is nothing but "waiting for You." My misfortune was being too preoccupied with the twigs of my nest. How could I have known that You had come and had gone? Oh Bhau, how completely unconcerned my Beloved is! I am dying for Him every moment, but He never asks how I am! GHAZAL SEVENTY-ONE index ******* OH MEHER, YOU ARE THE BELOVED OF ALL Oh Meher, You are the Beloved of all; You are the very life and heart of everyone. You are the Guide, You are the Follower, You are the Path and You are the Abode. You are Saki, and the Wineshop; You are Wine and the Lover. You are Majnun and Laila; You are the Caravan and the Palanquin. You are Worship and the Worshipper, You are Sadhana and Sanyasi. You are Tulsidas and Mira; You are Surdas and Ajamit. You are the Desert and the particle of Sand; You are the Moon and the Sun. You are a Drop and You are the Waters; You are the Ocean and the Shore. You are because You are Existence Itself. If You sleep all universes will disappear. You are the cup and the decanter; You are the Gathering and its Host. Bhau says You are Everything. You are the God infinitely conscious and the God infinitely unconscious. You are Butter and You are Stone. You are Innocent and You are very Shrewd. GHAZAL SEVENTY-TWO index ******* WHAT HIS KISS WILL BRING Oh Meher, if You hadn't kicked me out of Your court, I wouldn't have a desireless heart. Your indifference forces me to drink more wine, and now Your presence is my only desire. Oh Beloved, Your attitude toward me is intolerable. Just forget about me! Your very indifference belies Your concern. If You had drawn the arrow and its pain from my chest, I would have lost the joy of Your remembrance! Oh Beloved, now the tears pouring out of my wound invite You day and night. If You desire not my company, at least befriend my wounds. If I had the power to control all universes, I would turn Your stone-hard-heart into butter! Oh Bhau, you have no idea what His kiss will bring. It changed my whole existence—I experienced what I really am! GHAZAL SEVENTRY-THREE index ******* YOU HAVE BROKEN THE LIMITS Oh Meher, why are you angry with my years of wholehearted service? What mistake have I made? What sin have I committed? I have washed even the footprints of desire with my tears, But Your brutal behavior has broken the limits of my patience. You repay my faithfulness with constant tyranny and oppression. Oh Beloved, I am destined to suffer! What disaster this love unleashes! I can't possibly face any more on this Path, But You are my Beloved, and in spite of Your cruelty I love You. Though I've blinded myself, I am convinced You are there before me. Now I long to really see You— in Your compassion give me that sight! Oh Bhau, where should I go, to whom should I lament? My Beloved has not an ounce of mercy and treats me only with neglect. GHAZAL SEVENTY-FOUR index ******* LIFT US WITH YOUR LOVE Oh Meher, have mercy on us—give us Your embrace. We have fallen heavily, we cannot get up; come and lift us with Your love. We wanted to walk with You only, but strangers came between us. We had to drive them away, now keep us by Your side forever. After all these years, aren't You fed up with the complaints of our tears? If Your mercy is felt, our tears would be shamed into silence. Having become blood, the heart weeps in restlessness— But taken beyond the limit, the disease of love's Path becomes the cure. May we forget everything—even the memory of forgetfulness. But oh Beloved let us always retain the memory of You. Oh Bhau, how can we live without our Beloved? He punishes us with His love and we remember Him even more. GHAZAL SEVENTY-FIVE index ******* LOVE HAS BECOME THE PLAGUE OF MY LIFE Oh Meher, since the time I began to love You I've been restless beyond belief and passing through hell. Gradually, I learned to digest the sighs of my untold pain. I have the firm habit to bear Your oppressions. As soon as I tasted a drop of wine from Your eyes I knew that wine is my religion and wine is my way of life. I have heard of the great sailors drowning in mid-ocean, But the boat of my life capsized just past the shore. Oh Beloved, now I am setting out in a boat built with tears To sail home across waters of perpetual fire. Oh Bhau, tell me, how can I breathe? This love has become the plague of my life. GHAZAL SEVENTY-SIX index ******* MY WOUND SWALLOWED ALL MY WANTS Oh Beloved Meher, what more can I tell You? What have you given me after making me lament all these years? You have severed my affection for my desires And strengthened Your remembrance by wounding my heart. What vicious enmity rages between the wound and the wants! My wound swallowed all my wants, making my heart capable of loving You. Oh Beloved, soothe my open wound calling You; The only gift that can satisfy it is union with You. When I asked for only one glimpse of Your beautiful face You turned Your back and forsook me, leaving me in a boiling cauldron of pain. My eyes may shed tears, but my great wound is shedding tears of fire. You know I am being consumed, destroyed— but still You do not look at me. Oh Bhau, I have turned to ash from shedding tears so long. In His intimacy, I am a fish out of water—suffocation in the sun. GHAZAL SEVENTY-SEVEN index ******* BEFORE HIS OPPRESSIONS Oh Meher, union with You is, in the end, separation from self— By way of becoming ash and annihilating its existence. Oh heart, do not lose courage before His oppressions, Welcome them happily—they are always beneficial. Beloved, why be so callous as to deny a moment's sight of Your face? How could You be persuaded when Your coldness is a blessing for us? You are love and nothing but love. Love is self-annihilation and oneness with You. My mind burnt to ash in the fire you ignited in my heart. The sound of Your voice now fills the silence of my mind. Oh Bhau, why fear pain; don't you know by now its result? It becomes the lover's cure while he is dying from it. GHAZAL SEVENTY-EIGHT index ******* AN INVITATION ENGRAVED IN BLOOD Oh Meher, I never knew how brave I could be until I started approaching You. To reach You across this ocean of fire is terrifying. Those who are with You have achieved the impossible. I always sought Your intimacy, but my own self always blocked the way. My heart is truly mad for You and won't even listen to my consoling it. The cries of my flames have drowned the pleas of my tears. My heart has sent You an invitation engraved in blood! Oh Beloved, why don't You send an answer, why don't You reply? You are inhumanly callous; I've lost all hope of ever pleasing You. Avoid me if You must, but at least return to the fire in my heart. Oh Bhau, I am the abode and the Path—what is this illusion? I started on a journey when there is no distance to cover— nowhere to go. GHAZAL SEVENTY-NINE index ******* I HAVE FILLED AN OCEAN WITH MY TEARS Oh Meher, it is high time You started taking care of me. Can't You see I have filled an ocean with my tears? My feet are bleeding from the thorns on the Path. If You don't clear them, how can I continue? I do not want the world, and now I do not even want You either! Why didn't You oppress me gradually so that I could have borne it? You abandoned me foundering in the storms of mid-ocean. How can You be the Beloved when You won't save a drowning soul? Your companionship has led my life to the edge of a volcano. Beloved I beg You, abate the force of Your unceasing storms. Oh Bhau, what is my fate? I want the Beloved and nothing else. But He turns away and always keeps me at an unbridgeable distance. GHAZAL EIGHTY index ******* OH BELOVED, BHAU IS DREAMING Oh Meher, I thirst; kindly shower Your mercy. Quench a man's thirst with Your wineshop's water of life. The whole world laughs at my nakedness, thinking me mad, Not knowing that I seek death and an eternal attire. I love the One who oppresses me every moment. My heart will remain restless until He comes and murders me. When I cut all connections with the world, I found it under my feet. Oh Beloved, now lift the veil and let me know who You really are. I become truly mad for Your union. after becoming a stranger to myself. You lit the heart's lamp—now give me the courage to burn. Oh Bhau you are always where you started from— But oh Beloved, Bhau is dreaming he's on a journey to You. GHAZAL EIGHTY-ONE index ******* A SMALL THING SO COMPLICATED Oh Meher, You have drowned my peaceful mind in an ocean of difficulties. Contact with You has bestowed the boon of no rest day or night. What type of love was it, and to whom did it belong? That love put the hell of my life into hell and made my life paradise. You ripped my heart out and thrust a dagger in it. My life is best with unrelinquishing pain. When I finally realized Your right to take my life, I gave every breath to Your wish; Now the bliss of heaven is nothing compared to that which I enjoy. Your intoxicating eyes brought my head to Your feet forever. Then I found that my life itself had become Your worship. At first I wasn't interested in drinking, and didn't know how – But oh Saki, Your boundless mercy gave me a lifelong habit. Oh Bhau, to avoid meeting you, He made a small thing so complicated That you could not even ask Him to come. GHAZAL EIGHTY-TWO index ******* THE LIGHT OF YOUR SILENCE Oh Meher, I am disgusted with this life; I only want to die. In Your love my every breath sighs with pain. Oh Saki, why is Your wineshop closed when I am dying of thirst; Do You think I can't pay the price of even a drop? I have collapsed at Your doorstep from a thirst that has consumed me. It is too great to be quenched even by the ocean of my tears! What a light there is in Your apparent silence— All words are nothing but shadows before it. I am a moth madly attracted to the light of Your silence; But You've hidden it and I cannot burn myself and thus die. Oh Bhau, my ash from the fire of His love weeps for union, But He is stone-hearted and won't shed His grace. GHAZAL EIGHTY-THREE index ******* OH MEHER, HOW LONG? Oh Meher, how long will I have to bathe in the blood of my heart? How long will I have to eat the pieces of my broken life? Though I find relief in the pain that Your mercy inflicted on me, How long can I console my heart in its madness for You? Oh Beloved, You were in front of me, but my eyes were closed. No way could I open them, and my suffering became infinite. The weight of my attraction to the world kept my eyelids closed, Yet why, as the dust of your feet, am I still blind? But even when the world finally disappeared from my sight, You remained hidden. How cruel of You! You know I weep uncontrollably, yet You remain aloof. Oh Bhau, you have no idea what pain I am bearing in His separation. I am dying every moment, but still He won't settle my account. GHAZAL EIGHTY-FOUR index ******* UNLESS HIS IMAGE SMILES Oh Meher, how long can I suffer in the pain of separation? What should I do? I cannot seem to die every moment. If only I could bow at Your feet until the end of time, I would see You in the mirror of Your divinity. Oh Beloved, You have created a moth out of Your own light. But can't You feel my suffering while I burn? I feel more dejected with every step on this path of fire, But what can either of us do when it has to be crossed? You always deny that You have veiled Yourself, But I cannot believe it when I do not see Your radiant face. Oh Beloved, Your image captured in the mirror of my heart weeps for You. Oh Bhau, unless His image smiles I surely don't know what I will do. GHAZAL EIGHTY-FIVE index ******* I DRANK MY TEARS Oh Meher, this is the day I drank my tears of fire And sewed tight my lips with a needle of pain. Oh Beloved, what have You done to the dust I've become— It's shredding tears. You have stamped out all its expectations and now You are taking its life! Who will believe what my dust has come to? It weeps for union as my Beloved smiles and turns away. My dust is the blood of my heart, being shed with every breath. Blood is my life in His separation—and the only drink I know. Oh Beloved, Your pleasure has become the pleasure of my dust. Now what is it that keeps You from showering Your grace? Oh Bhau, I broke the chain of my life at His feet this day. I died by the dagger of the dust's tears and thus discovered eternal life. GHAZAL EIGHTY-SIX index ******* HOW FOOLISH TO WANDER Oh Meher, I long only for union with You. To me this world has indeed proved to be nothing but illusion. How foolish I am to wander from forest to forest. You are right in front of my eyes—so close to me. Why did You create mountains of unbearable difficulties When I was eager and started to search for You? How You turned away from me and left only longing— Yet through longing I feel You are with me until the end. Oh Beloved, play Your game of separation as long as You wish. One day the restless breath of my longing will embrace You. Oh Bhau, do you think I'm a fool for wanting to burn in His fire? Burning in it is the greatest achievement in life! GHAZAL EIGHTY-SEVEN index ******* MY CUP IS NOT YET EMPTY I still have not found You , Oh Beloved Meher, Though my head has been at Your feet for many years. The fire in my heart burns for only more and more wine, But I have yet to receive the cup which quenches it for eternity. I was shedding tears from thirst at Your doorstep, But I had to wait for ages to drink just one drop of wine. Only after years of drinking nothing but tears Did my thirst start to drink my self. Through cruelty You held back Your grace, Even though You saw my thirst had consumed my self completely. I know I am neither fit nor worthy to receive Your grace. The clouds of Your grace shower continuously, but my cup is not yet empty. Oh Bhau, for ages an ocean of fire has burned in my dust, But it still cannot fathom the infinitude of my Beloved. GHAZAL EIGHTY-EIGHT index ******* FILL IT OR BREAK IT Oh Meher, without You there is no shelter, You are the only refuge. Without drowning in mid-ocean, the shore cannot be found. "Oh lover, do you know why you are alone at every step? You and I cannot travel together because I have nowhere to go." The nest of my secure existence burned, leaving me so helpless— I don't even have the strength left to call on You. Dying from thirst, my dust bitterly mourns for Your union, But You are still not prepared to set it free. Oh Beloved, my dust now drinks the cup of Your pleasure. Fill it or break it—no matter, Your pleasure is its only concern. Oh Bhau, I will sacrifice thousands of lives at His feet without expectation. I don't want to die like the shore—I want to die like the ocean. GHAZAL EIGHTY-NINE index ******* TO DRINK THE OCEAN Oh Meher, only Your Name gives my life relief now. I am dying from the pain of longing—but this pain gives me relief. Oh Beloved, the world thinks You have abandoned me in mid-ocean, But You have given me the boat of love to assure my crossing. Fear paralyzes me as I see the ocean's countless storms, But my helplessness strengthens me to move closer to You. Incinerate this love! I am maimed and crippled by it! Yet my disablement gives me relief. My arms are short, divinity's fruit is on the highest branches, But my reach lengthens as my desires are slain one by one. Oh Bhau, I am that dust at my Beloved's feet whose only speech is thirst. But when will he quench this thirst which longs to drink the ocean? GHAZAL NINETY index ******* PATIENT FOR AGES Oh Beloved, in Your sweet remembrance I forgot my address; But oh Meher, You forgot to reveal the address of Your abode. What magic there is in Your sweet wine! I've even forgotten to ask if You remember who I am. I am declaring to the world that You are the Lord, But Your irrational behavior drives people away. Occasionally You could have shown me Your love with a kiss, But You ignore me—knowing I am Your slave abiding by Your wish. After years of longing, my dust accepted complete slavery. And although it weeps day and night, You have no mercy on dust. Oh Bhau, when you stepped into the Path of love You had to learn to be patient for ages. The Beloved made you dust by forgetting you, knowing you could never leave Him. GHAZAL NINETY-ONE index ******* HE HIDES IN HIS LIGHT Oh Meher, since I have sought Your companionship I have become a penniless beggar. I have fallen in the eyes of the world, which blames me for my ruined state. What helplessness, what kind of hopelessness is this? I find rest in the restless pain of longing. My life's nest was completely gutted in the fire of love. But You are still so distant from me—is this any compensation? My tears lit a lamp that guides me toward You through blackness. But oh God, even the lamp is weeping tears and burning in pain. To see You in this darkness, the moth of my longing turned into a lamp; But You are so elusive—You hide Yourself even in this light! Oh Bhau, I am waiting at His doorstep to see His beautiful face— Thirsting for His water, but drinking only pain. GHAZAL NINETY-TWO index ******* THE PRICE OF HIS GLANCE Oh Meher, now my being is nothing but wine. I am an ocean and my life is a bubble. After making me drink all night, You revealed this much: This life is nothing but a dream. Each man is involved in his own question, But no one knows he is both the question and the answer. What kind of gift is this pain I've received from You? Although I am sick of suffering, it gives me pleasure. Oh Beloved, I am so near death, pay a little attention to me before I go; Tell me now how much is left to settle in my account. Oh Bhau, the total dedication of your life is the price of His one glance. But that one glance shall transform you into the sun of His divinity. GHAZAL NINETY-THREE index ******* REMAINING HELPLESS Oh Meher, while I am calmly waiting to see Your lovely face, My flesh is burning in love's eternal fire. Night and day, I weep at my helplessness in this pain of longing, But remaining helpless is all I am able to do. I am fed up with an unending winter in Your love. How much longer before the coming of spring? I have dedicated my life at Your feet. But when will You believe that I have become solely Yours? My dreadful punishment is to show the world a smiling face while mourning inside. People think Your love is the soul's relief, not knowing of Your dagger in my heart. Oh Bhau, the world is nothing but a dream—absolutely nothing! Losing it was your victory—not your defeat. GHAZAL NINETY-FOUR index ******* HOW CAN I TOUCH MY HEART? Oh Meher, I'm drowning in the fire of Your ocean— dying every moment. Pain drives my head to the surface; but my heart, in madness, refuses to leave. My heart has turned into pain itself from constant longing. It is out of control—what will bring it understanding? Oh Beloved, when I lose my self in You, I find my self in You. How can I make others understand what is beyond my own understanding? You are homeless, but Your abode is in every heart. How can I touch my heart and at least find Your abode there? I have forgotten the world, but not the thought of forgetting it. Oh Beloved, perhaps by burning in the flame of Your remembrance I will. How can scientists know this Path? They come from worlds with no song or wine. They are cold-hearted, and it is difficult for me to tell them about You. Oh Bhau, you won't find the Beloved's song on any other planet; it is sung only on earth. The Beloved always descends only here—and the only wish of my song is to become dust at His feet. GHAZAL NINETY-FIVE index ******* WHAT ELSE CAN MY WORSHIP BE? I am attracted to You like a moth in a candle. What else can my worship be? Oh Beloved, how fortunate is the one who finds You— His divinity cannot be imagined! I still have not learned to plunge into the ocean of Your love There are so many difficulties on the shore, I cannot imagine diving! How can I grasp the pearl at the bottom of the ocean? I am weeping pathetically on the shore with no strength to face the waves' turbulence. Those who reach mid-ocean are truly heroes fearless in Your love. How can my boat sail so far? It is sinking near the shore. Oh Beloved, I can't stand it—the closer I come to You the more distance You create. And the wound in my heart bleeds deeper instead of seeking to be healed! In Your love there is no difference between life and death For the one who dies every moment and continues to live! Oh Bhau, how can this unbelievable state ever be explained? I enjoy my Beloved's oppressions and bow to His every wish. GHAZAL NINETY SIX index ******* YOUR GARDEN HAS BECOME A WINESHOP Oh Meher, how can we complain about You when our hero is bowed at Your feet? You have every right to oppress us, for we have made You ours today. The cup of our hearts longs for a drop of Your wine, But we don't ask—for we have surrendered ourselves to Your wish. Although helpless, we take comfort in belonging completely to You, We are washing away the stains of all our desires with our tears. Oh Beloved, You enabled every flower to drink wine. Now Your entire garden has become a wineshop. Your song is only on earth—perfuming its sound when You descend. But hear the beauty of our song burning in the fire of Your love. Oh Bhau, this song is even shedding tears now, But it allows us to enjoy the pain of dying. GHAZAL NINETY-SEVEN index ******* TO YOU IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE Oh Meher, You can't stay away because of my remembrance— So don't be scornful of me for I will remember You all the more. Can anyone ever drown in the effulgence of Your ocean— Except by annihilation through love? Without You this life is nothing; Without longing it is completely worthless. Every man in the world is busy with one type of work or another, But it has no value unless it is done to please You. I could live to see the world's splendors, But it would be pointless unless I sought Your beauty in all things. To You it makes no difference whether people are good or bad. If it isn't Your will—who won't make mistakes? Oh Bhau, why are you bound by karma's knot when this slave's life is free from it? Untie it by tying yourself with the Beloved's daaman. GHAZAL NINETY-EIGHT index ******* I FORGOT TO LISTEN TO MY OWN EXHORTATIONS Oh Meher, I forgot my destination while searching for You. I forgot to return to consciousness from my absorption on the Path. I used to preach to others: love God and make your hearts clean. But I forgot to listen to my own exhortations. The distance on this Path is from here to Here. I walked it for so long a time that I forgot about sitting. Oh Beloved, You are Omniscient but You pretend to know nothing. The people think I've forgotten You since I can no longer speak of You. In my pleasure there is a dagger, in the pain You give there is rest. Now I have completely given up all talk of what I am passing through. I don't know what pleasure and worry are in this love— I forgot to leave room in my heart for either one. Oh Beloved, I'm creating a space for my being in Your heart. Oh Bhau, though I weep and weep, I have forgotten how to shed tears. GHAZAL NINETY-NINE index ******* WAVING YOUR DAGGER Oh Meher, don't go on waving Your dagger. Be brave and murder me! The knot of karma is so tight, the strongest can't untie it. Yet Your slightest glance burns it to ashes— cast that glance on me! I am so exhausted I cannot take another step toward the destination. Oh Beloved, how can You be All-Powerful when You deprive me of any help? My life has become a cyclone in Your love. Just because I don't shed tears, don't think I'm not weeping. Oh Beloved, one glance from You can close my account. Cast that glance so that I can die and thus live eternally. Oh Bhau, I die, but death cannot end my life. There are still too many illusory things left in me. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED index ******* LAUGHING AT THE TEARS Oh Meher, I am too worn out to advance on this Path. But what a tragedy—my restlessness leads me on. You've now made me too helpless to even utter a word against You, But my silence knows the language of Your heart. You've ruined me beyond description— Yet I am glad the world blames me instead of You. I'm so helpless I am laughing at the tears of my heart. I feel at ease and anxious at one and the same time! Love has sealed my lips to all my complaints. One word would be an insult to this silence. Oh Bhau, my song has turned to ash after burning in His love, But still He does not kiss me, though my song is filled with His glory. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED ONE index ******* ONLY GOD KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE Oh Meher, You aren't with me. Only God knows where You are. I searched for You for ages. Now I've finally heard that You are in my heart. How long can I continue searching for You When You have crushed me with tragedy's mountains? When I remember You I find You have become the voice of my heart. You are the whole Universe—Tri-Loka; You are Fana, You are Baqa. You are the story of love. You are the moth and the flame. This love is torture! You are every ominous cloud. From one of Your powerful glances My heart recognized You as God. My heart restlessly calls You, "Come to me from where You are." After a long time I discovered That You are wherever I am not. I cannot console my heart in its madness for You. Reveal Yourself to the silence of its voice. My heart has broken into pieces too often— Oh Beloved, how unfaithful You are! Where did I make my mistake? Why do You remain indifferent to me? Oh Bhau, this is the way of love—let your heart burn. Burning in His furnace is the only comfort in Your fate. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWO index ******* YOUR REMEMBRANCE IS THE TEARS Oh Meher, Your remembrance is the tears we drink every moment. In remembering You we are forgetting ourselves. We don't know where we are going or why, But wherever we go, we take You with us. We commit sins before Your ocean of compassion. How can You forgive us if we never falter? It is impossible to describe what happens in this love. We are dying to ourselves while living in You. Now we find Your precious footprints filling our path. We bow to each one, following them to You. Oh Bhau, there are many links in the chain of death. We are alive only to burn them in the fire of His love. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THREE index ******* WHAT STATE HAS COME IN THIS PATH OF LOVE? Oh Meher, my life is not alive without You. There is no limit to Your mercy. Your love is nothing but affliction; my life is dying from it. But love is, after all, love—and love is not a joke. What state has come in this Path of love? How is it that I am neither happy nor sad? Today Your hand grasps mine, Bringing me a sea of misfortune. I found the greatest treasure from a drop of Your wine. I found everything when Your pleasure became mine. Oh Bhau, the self is always defeated in the Path of love, But this defeat is a victory and well worth enduring. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FOUR index ******* ASK THE HEART ABOUT HIS GAME Oh Meher, how can I describe the pleasure of Your union, Bringing nights without darkness and days without end? Why did You leave me after making me helpless? You know I could never escape in my desperation. Oh Beloved, You murder only those whom You love— Don't hesitate to express Your love for me! How can I describe the wonderful game You play? You insist it is day when I know it is night. My tears are aflame like a holocaust in my heart. Kindly shower Your grace to extinguish their pain. Oh Beloved, it is nothing for You to push me away or draw me near. Oh Bhau, ask the heart about His game—it alone knows. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIVE index ******* WHY BOTH OF US CANNOT RELAX Oh Meher, after years of searching I've found Your abode in my heart, Yet my feet are neither on the shore nor in the ocean. You drove me out of Your court of lovers But although I am absent, my heart is always there. Oh Beloved, shun me, but why avoid the wound of my heart? Its cries only echo off Your heart of stone. When I find no rest without You, how can You find any without me? Why don't You just come so that both of us can relax? How can the attraction of this Path ever be described? I face countless difficulties, but still I long for You. Oh Bhau, the wound in my heart emits fire; I am helpless before it. Its longing is so great, only union with Him can console it. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIX index ******* SO HELPLESS I CANNOT TURN BACK Oh Meher, what happened at every step along the Path? You wounded my heart and now neither of us want it to be healed. What should I do? Where should I go? Oh heart, stop trying to destroy me! How many times must I fail in this Path of love? But now I have become so helpless I cannot turn back. My tears once gave me relief, but now even they have forsaken me. What should I do? My life is overwhelmed with desolation. Oh Beloved, You took my heart and left me its wounds, And You sprinkled salt on them as I lay crippled. Oh Bhau, His behavior has become unbearable. I gave my life to Him but He just hurts it. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SEVEN index ******* GOD IS MORE MURDEROUS Oh Meher, Majnun's love is in Your heart. He always lives in You, and Majnun is always in Your court. "Laila, Laila!" he called in the desert with his every breath, And Laila heard Majnun's voice in Your court. Majnun is pining to death without her. Laila is his life and Laila is Majnun's heart. But Majnun saw the effulgence of Your light; he forgot Laila completely. He started shouting, "O Lord, O Lord!" and Majnun found the Lord in his heart. God is more murderous than Laila. Majnun was already love, yet he had to burn to ashes for God. Majnun was fire and turned into ash for the sake of love. But the Beloved is so cruel—He made Majnun suffer for years. It is easy to find Laila, But infinitely difficult to find God. Majnun's longing for the Beloved and his wounded heart are no exception. Everyone has to pass through this Path of love as he did. Oh Bhau, do you have Majnun's love for the Beloved? Majnun found God but you are still sitting at the shore! GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED EIGHT index ******* PAIN FINALLY PROVED USEFUL Oh Meher, this pain of longing finally proved useful. While dying, this pain of longing made me take Your Name. Seeing me poised and quiet, the world thinks I've found peace; But it does not know that I'm constantly weeping for You. I have ended up utterly helpless, useless in Your love— But no one knows the treasure buried in my ruin. All my old friends are now my enemies; they mock me with their laughter. But they do not understand how useful I have become to You. Oh Beloved, I cannot find the words to express Your oppression. The people know I chose this slavery, so how can I complain? Oh Bhau, what station is this in the Path of love? I have no rest, yet I long for more of the same. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED NINE index ******* MY LIFE BECAME WORTH LIVING WHEN MY HEART WAS BROKEN Oh Meher, don't You know about my broken heart? By appearing innocent You are killing me. This broken heart has become the house of wine, Yet it faces constant trials along the Path. My heart became a heart when it broke into pieces. Now it is the hideout of a bloodthirsty killer! My life became worth living when my heart was broken. This life of fire made me forget everything—even the destination. I have no concern with Your union or Your separation. Your orders, Your wish, and Your will are my heart's only treasure. Oh Bhau, you are living your life on the shore— Abandon it, you fool, and drown in the Ocean! GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TEN index ******* MY LIFE DOES NOT AFFECT HIS INDIFFERENCE Oh Meher, how long can I continue this dying in Your separation? How long to continue living in pain—how long to sigh in agony? Those who know that death is life Know how to live and how to die. We are burnt in the fire of longing. Why do You delay the advent of dawn? Those who have weak eyesight cannot receive Your wine; I have strengthened my eyes so my cup can be filled. I beseech You, Beloved, make Your abode in this broken heart. Do not neglect a heart breaking with longing's pain! Oh Bhau, what more can I give after dedicating my life at His feet? Even the gift of my life does not affect His indifference. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED ELEVEN index ******* WE STOOD IN HIS COURT Oh Meher, don't You ever remember us? We can't forget You though You have forgotten us. The storm has now become our safe harbor, But still the wound of our hearts does not heal. Our life has turned into wine, and wine has turned into our life, But still we cannot bear the pain of this wine-created wound. No one can imagine what this life of wine is— The One whom we have made ours stays aloof. We had thousands of complaints against the Beloved, But when we stood in His court we could not utter a word. How can we describe His moods? He changes them every moment. Oh Bhau, we tried our best to dance to His moods but we failed miserably. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWELVE index ******* WINE TURNED INTO A DAGGER Oh Meher, since You gained complete control of my heart My life is filled with only misery and pain. Your wine turned into a dagger cutting my heart to pieces. But only now with a broken heart has life become worth living. I have no consciousness of anything in Your love. I appear mad and long only to see You. I don't know where I am going, I only follow the whims of my broken heart. I find my life facing mountains of difficulties. Oh Beloved, how much farther is it to Your abode? Oh Bhau, there is nothing in my life but shipwrecks and storms. Each venture leaves me ruined but at the same time renewed. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTEEN index ******* WHEN I SANG TO YOU Oh Meher, what madness is in this search for You? My song sheds tears but still I long to follow You. I composed a song for You, not knowing what it would do. I merged into an ocean of fire when I sang it to You. I have no desire left—no thought of my own. My only want, "to be with You," is crushing me to pieces. When I lost my self, I found my Self. But none knows the pain of "self-loss" and "self-gain." There is no way for my heart to be consoled. It is completely oblivious to my suffering. Oh Bhau, isn't it bewildering that I'm in the abode I'm searching for? I've been kept unaware of it because of karma's never-stopping wheel. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FOURTEEN index ******* GIVE A LITTLE CONSOLATION Oh Meher, give this maddened man a little consolation. Give a little consolation to the moth fallen in Your flame. Beloved, do not forget to visit in the nights of separation. I long to smell the fragrance of Your locks— give a little consolation. Separation butchered my heart to blood with the dagger of helplessness. Oh Beloved, this blood itself weeps for union— give a little consolation. Constant restlessness in Your separation has become my tragic life. Intensify it beyond endurance— allow me to die or give a little consolation. The stains of all wants have been washed away by drinking my heart's blood. Oh Beloved, what am I passing through in Your love? Give a little consolation! Oh Bhau, for years I've been begging my Beloved for death. To gain life from death, the Beloved must come and give a little consolation. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN index ******* MY MOOD IS SPOILED Oh Meher, pour me wine, because my mood is spoiled. Keep myself away from me, because my mood is spoiled. Oh Master of song, play Your sarod for me; And sing the song eternal, because my mood is spoiled. Oh Beloved, I am distraught to see Your stern face. Smile just a little, because my mood is spoiled. In Your love, the storm plays the role of the shore. Oh Beloved, increase its velocity because my mood is spoiled. Oh Gardener, don't pluck and throw away the buds— let them flower. The voice of my heart is in each one— listen to it because my mood is spoiled. Oh Bhau, what state of love am I passing through? I am shedding tears while laughing, because my mood is spoiled. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTEEN index ******* THE WICK OF MY PAIN Oh Meher, You are my only hope—I cannot think of anything else. Your heart's lamp is flaming in mine; reveal Your face in its light. When I surrendered everything that held up my head, It bowed at Your feet for all time. Now that my longing has wiped out all desires, Kindly allow it to guide me to You. The lamp of my heart burns with the wick of my pain. Oh Beloved, how long can I remain burning? Whatever wrongs I have done were because of Your will, For You are the Lord of both good and evil. Oh Bhau, pain is pounding my heart out of my chest, But the One whom I have made mine is still not found. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN index ******* WHEN EVERYTHING STOPPED Oh Meher, my life is completely ruined by Your love. A dark cloud hovers over every step I take toward You. Your ancient habit is to shower tribulations on Your lovers. Do not hesitate, for I find blessings in the ones You shower on me. Your abode is so near that it appears infinitely far— Now I realize it is only one step in Your love. From being so totally helpless, I have discovered That helplessness is a blessing freeing me from bondage. I was released from Your prison as soon as I realized I was locked in it. Realizing I was a prisoner was the annihilation of all. Oh Bhau, while walking I could not find a trace of my Beloved, But when everything stopped, I found His abode in my heart. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED EIGHTEEN index ******* I SHALL HIDE YOU IN MY HEART Oh Meher, I shall hide You in my heart so no one knows You are with me, And I shall listen to You play the sweet music that You played in the Beginning. Oh Gardener, don't mercilessly pluck the flowers' buds— The pain of my longing is in each one and this pain is enough. On this journey I've performed too many of my own tamashas. Now I long to become the tamasha of Your wish. You gave me a cup, as my eyes had become red from weeping. I thought it would finally calm me, but the wine made me more restless. I have no concern with the destination or with the cup; Following your every wish is the greatest treasure I have. Oh Bhau, do you know what I am passing through in this Path of love? My heart is covered with wounds, but my smile always hides them. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED NINETEEN index ******* YOU ARE MY SONG Oh Meher, now I can only search for You repeating this prayer: "May my heart become blood through the dagger of Your glance." If I wasn't so pathetically helpless, so powerless, I would make You my heart and throw away mine! Oh Lord of song, where is Your sarod? My heart's longing wants to strum it in prayer to You. You are my song and You are my life, But I must find my self before searching for You. If real prayer finds a home in Your heart, Why is the blood of my heart still praying to You? Oh Bhau, why do you find fault in other wretches? First sew up the holes in Your own rags. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY index ******* IT IS NOT IN VAIN Oh Meher, I sent messages to You at the wrong address. Now I know why You never replied. The world has discarded me as a man who is mad, Because I long to hear the One who never responds. Avoidance is the main characteristic of Your life with me. Don't You know what my heart endures in Your separation? In the beginning, I was intoxicated by repeating Your Name But now, near the end, I too wish to avoid You and Your intolerable behavior. After a long time I gained this conviction by the fire of pain: You keep Yourself close while creating the feeling that You're far away. Oh Bhau, transform into a nightingale waiting for the nectar of an opening bud. Be patient in love and you will discover it is not in vain. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-ONE index ******* IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME Oh Meher, I cannot take a step toward You if You are not with me. If You are not accompanying me I may drown in the ocean's storms. The wounds of my heart are weeping and weeping. How can I console them if You are not with me? Blood ceaselessly flows from the depths of my wounds. How can I be patient if You are not with me? To venture out as far as mid-ocean requires infinite bravery. I may drown near the shore if You are not with me. It is no joke to obey Your orders. I may slip at every step if You are not with me. Oh Bhau it is not difficult to find the abode of the Beloved. I may show it to You—if you are not with me. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-TWO index ******* THE FIRE THAT FINDS YOU BURNS ONLY IN THE MAD Oh Meher, the fire that finds You burns only in the mad. Rays of intense love shine in Your divine garden. The nightingale is longing for the bud to open. What thirst it has to sip the blossom's nectar! The nightingale is restless—it suffers rage after rage, But see what patience it has to drink only the flower's nectar. At last it has found the nectar, and its death has given it life. How beautiful is its song after tasting the essence of life. The nightingale has become the flower after drinking its wine. Her song is now the flower and its music is now its life. How many men of god are like the nightingale? Every breath of such men breathes raging storms! Such men of God have no consciousness of eating or sleeping. They only burn to ash in the fire of separation and longing. Out of thousands of men of God, only one fortunate man is blessed with union. His veil is lifted and he finds that he is the tavern's master. Oh Bhau, will you ever be able to become a man of God? You are not even considered a respectable, upright person. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-THREE index ******* IN THE EYES OF ATHEISTS Oh Meher, only one glance from You made me mad And transformed Your own flame into a moth. Oh Saki, Your wine has made me a mast, But in the eyes of atheists I am insane. Oh atheist, you aren't equal to even the shoe of a lover. You think that if God exists that You are wiser than He. Oh atheist, you never tasted wine— so your disbelief is not your fault. You only expound the husk and never think of examining the kernel. What a restless life the lover leads for God! He tries to keep away from his self to be with his Beloved. The prayer of the real lover is nothing but drinking wine. His heart becomes a winecup and his prayer is constant drinking. Oh atheist, what prayer do you perform in your distance from God? Your prayer is your attachment to the material world. Oh Bhau, have you tasted wine even once? If you drink just one drop, you won't be able to talk about love. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-FOUR index ******* ONE MUST DRINK TEARS Oh Meher, how can I describe the calamity of this love? I am undergoing a violent death at every step. I drank a drop of wine through Your amorous glance. I lost all consciousness and my life became Your worship. Why don't You reveal where You've hidden Your beautiful smile? Though the rays of Your beauty are soft, they pierce my heart. Oh Beloved though I became Yours, You did not become mine. I weep because You have no faith in my love! Don't You love the one wounded by Your beauty? Why do You take pleasure in leaving me half-dead? Oh Bhau in the Path of love one must drink tears with delight. Real love is giving up one's life for the Beloved's sake. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE index ******* ALL BUT DEAD Oh Meher, why are You angry—what have I done wrong? I've reached the state where I am helpless and cannot go on. Oh Beloved, I am all but dead in Your love. I cannot utter a word—I am sleeping in my grave. Who can understand the language of those dead in love? Who can understand their state, for they know everything. You are the One who knows everything of the past, present, and future. And I am that one who does not know what will happen the very next moment. I am dying and You casually observe me from a distance. I know that what I'm passing through is nothing to You. Oh Bhau, I am prepared to throw my corpse into my grave with my own hands. I now know that I exist eternally and nothing exists besides me. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-SIX index ******* DYING WITHOUT A DEATH Oh Meher, You are pleased with me, yet appear angry at the same time. I find blessings in Your constant slander and abuse. I saw You here, I saw You there, I found You everywhere. Oh abodeless, formless One! Your abode is in every heart. Oh Beloved, at least once embrace me. Allow me to enjoy Your pleasure, Though I know there is nothing for me in Your pleasure but pain. Who will believe me when I admit Your indifference makes me weep, When others only see Your loving smile and apparent concern? There are many storms in His love! How can I bear their destruction? My life itself has become a raging storm— dying without a final death. Oh Bhau, whose shelter should I seek? There is none in His love. What mischief! He is always with me while pretending to be far away. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-SEVEN index ******* MY BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE Oh Meher, Your lovely Name is meant for me, And Your silence is my beautiful message. When I caught hold of Your feet I became a stranger to my own self. Now what good am I? All I can do is weep and weep in Your love. The pain of love is killing me—what should I do? How can I explain that this pain is my elixir? I have become useless and worthless. Yet my condition has left me skilled. After seeing my tears, You still have not shown me any kindness. Oh Beloved, now my tears repent for having caused You blame. Oh Bhau, this world and its affairs are unimportant. What can I do worthwhile in a world that is nothing but illusion? GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-EIGHT index ******* THE PRAYER CARPET IS SOAKED Oh Meher, please notice the plight of those who are mad for You— They are moths burning without hesitation in Your lamp of love. My prayer carpet is now soaked with a wine that is my only prayer. Can't You hear my heart's voice engulfing the voice of my own self? The orthodox chant prayers every day without realizing that prayer is no joke. Through prayer the heart becomes blood itself, leaving no room for thought or desire. Oh Beloved, I am at Your door and my tears are calling You. My pain has a long list of complaints— is this why the door remains closed? There are many who preach in the world with big shops in the market place; They don't even have the faintest idea about the scent of the Beloved's wine. Multitudes of saints discourse of the wineshop in every lane of every town. But, oh Bhau, they don't know anything about the Path leading to the tavern! GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-NINE index ******* WHO HAS NO ONE ELSE EXCEPT YOU? Oh Meher, where can one go who has surrendered himself to You? If You do not sustain him, he will die in the pain of Your longing. Where can one go who has no one else in the world except You? If You do not accept him, what can he do; for he can never leave You. Your slightest glance rains fire on me. My heart is too soft—how cruel You are Beloved! My life is at Your feet, bearing the oppressions You shower. Perhaps they will serve some purpose since they come from You. My tears remain perched on my eyelashes, Knowing no drop of swathi rain leaves Your court without becoming a pearl. Oh Bhau, people laugh at me for seeking His friendship, Not knowing that His indifference fills me with bliss. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY index ******* HISTORY WRITTEN IN BLOOD Oh Meher, what should I tell You of my heart burning in separation? It is slowly disappearing through longing while waiting in Your lane. Lovers come into Your lane with their lives in their palms. Thousands wait at its entrance shedding tears of fire. Out of all these genuine lovers only a few can enter after losing everything. They are the ones completely detached from the world and completely attached to You. The history of the lovers in Your lane has always been written with the blood of their hearts, But only those who can drink the heart's blood are able to understand it. Such lovers neither eat nor sleep, but remain infinitely restless for union with You. They pass through unimaginable suffering with nothing but You in their hearts. No one can imagine how many pieces these lovers' hearts have broken into. They face death at every step, but still they have courage to keep coming closer to You. The life of such lovers bathes in the blood of the wounds of their hearts. They live only for You while digging a grave for themselves. Out of thousands of such lovers who have finally come into Your lane, A rare one reaches Your abode— the rest remain dying; burning in separation. Oh Bhau, even to reach His lane means to burn the life of the self. To enter this lane, even genuine lovers must face unimaginable agonies. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-ONE index ******* THE SECRET OF THIS DANCE Oh Meher, who would shed tears when he is prepared to die? Who would burn his heart for ages to no avail? I am drinking the tears of fire lit by Your love. Who will appreciate what appears to be senseless? Only the Beloved can hear the flames weeping in my heart. Who can know what these tears are doing when they remain hidden? What is really there in the world? It is nothingness— nothing but a journey in a dream. Who will remain attached to it once they've realized this? Oh Beloved, You've stolen my heart and thrust a dagger in it. Who can realize the pleasure I am deriving from this pain? Oh Bhau, I dance to His every mood day and night, But who can understand the secret of this dance? GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-TWO index ******* I WILL ALWAYS REMAIN BURNING Oh Meher, I will always remain burning in the fire of Your love. I will always have the longing to be united with You. Oh Beloved, Your remembrance is awake in my heart day and night. Even while I am sleeping, I will always keep You awake. Oh Beloved, reveal to me where Your sarod is— I want to play You the music of my own heart. There are many pits in the path of Your love. Though I have become strong—I fall into every one. This love is nothing but my life's affliction and curse. How long can I shed tears when they don't take me to Your abode? Oh Bhau, I don't know what to do in His love. I die at every step, but this mad heart does not allow me a moment's rest. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-THREE index ******* MY HEART SHAPED INTO A CUP Oh Meher, what mercy have You showered— have I become mad in Your love? I have lit Your lamp in my heart and become a moth to burn in it. The lamp was ignited by the tears I shed day and night. Now in Your separation I reside in the house of pain. Oh people of the world, don't ridicule me! I have no concern with you. It was my heart shaped into a cup which forced me to be with the Beloved. What consciousness did I gain from drinking a cup of Your wine? I ceased to recognize the world, but I also failed to recognize You! The boundaries of my heart are barren beyond imagination. Now my heart can extend to an infinite boundary where I alone will live. Oh Bhau, tell me how far is the abode of my Beloved? I have become mad to reach it—but I don't know when I will. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-FOUR index ******* THE STORMS OF A TURBULENT OCEAN Oh Meher, my tears are calling You day and night. I face storm after storm, but each one gives me strength. No one in the world would dare snatch You from me— I tell every seeker; "The Beloved is very cruel; don't go to Him." The bitter complaints I have against You, though vain, I express through the lips of my tears and the gestures of my sighs. What a wonderful manner You have, oh Beloved. You live in the hearts that You break day and night! What should I say about those interested in staying on the shore? They wish to remain there and narrate the storms of a turbulent ocean. Oh Bhau, think not that I am mad for surrounding myself with difficulties. I sense that the way to the Truth lies somewhere through them. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-FIVE index ******* DEATH CANNOT BEAR MY BURDEN Oh Beloved Meher, I could not wipe away every trace of separation's pain. I could not forget You because of these calamities befalling me, though I tried and tried. Though You kicked me out, You could not forget me— The burden of my agony and longing fell back on You. Only the dead can serve You according to Your wish. I tried to die—but my own self prevented me. What is the purpose of picking flowers or living in the garden When I cannot save the daaman of my heart from the thorns? My heart only enjoys weeping in Your love, But when I saw Your glance I kept my tears hidden inside. I came to Your court to narrate the history of my pain, But in Your presence my pain disappeared and I was speechless. Oh Bhau, tell me what should I do? I am dying! But my death cannot bear my burden and won't embrace me. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-SIX index ******* BOWED DOWN AT YOUR FEET FOREVER Oh Meher, I am tired of confessing that love is nothing but ruination. I am tired of complaining about You again and again. I was in the habit of finding faults in others, But now I find that there are worse ones in me. Oh Beloved, time and again You have explained fana and baqa to me. But my attachment to the world is so tight I cannot escape its grip. My head is bowed down at Your feet forever. I am repeating the Name of God and becoming God. Oh Meher, let there be a break in this shower of torments— I am defeated, but You still won't listen to my heart's request. I constantly called You disloyal, But You sealed my lips and turned away. Oh Bhau, I am in mid-ocean, calling Him with all my heart! But He neither comes to me nor does He allow me to drown. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-SEVEN index ******* MY LOVE MADE YOUR SILENCE SPEAK! Oh Meher, when I made a permanent room for You in my heart I found the weight of a mountain pressing down on me. I have absolutely no idea where I am going— I am facing a cyclone of love at every step. What can I say about the power of love? My love made Your silence speak! I know You are not concerned about any human pain, But oh Beloved, my inhuman pain made You weep! I have no rest in the pain of separation, But I have the courage to make longing itself my companion. It is Your habit to become indifferent, But I've learned the hidden art of reconciliation. When I realized that You are disloyal, I made my faith so strong, it could not be shaken. Oh Bhau, I confess to You I don't know where I am going. Now I just go wherever my love is taking me. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-EIGHT index ******* IMMORTAL SAR MAST When I remember the plight of Sar Mast my heart begins to choke, But thinking deeply about his fate, my heart becomes intoxicated with love. The high priest could not pray wholeheartedly. When I remember his true ambition, my love is insulted and shamed. What thought did the priest have while he was praying? He thought of money—what an insult to prayer! Poor Sar Mast insisted, "Your God is under my feet!" When he disclosed this secret the priests were enraged. The Emperor Aurangzeb did not know who Sar Mast was, So he had him murdered—what a tragedy befell! Sar Mast's followers then came and requested that the Emperor Find out what desire the priest had at the hour of prayer. The priest confessed that he was thinking of money—not God. How could he pray when he had this thought? They dug up the floor where Sar Mast had stood and discovered gold. He had declared that the priest's God was under his feet and indeed it was so! The Emperor then realized the truth of Sar Mast's declaration. Now for centuries the lovers of God have heard this story and have shed tears in love. Oh Meher, You made Sar Mast immortal. Oh Bhau, my heart is moved when I hear the story of the mast's humility and truthfulness. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-NINE index ******* THERE MUST BE SOME SECRET I gave my heart to You—what did You do in return? You ruined my name in every corner of the world. Now my entire existence has become Your remembrance. Your light keeps me awake while I sleep through the night. Why are You angry with me over every petty thing? All I've ever done is follow Your wish and dance to Your tune. I was waiting for You like the Chatak waits for swathi rains, But those rains have gone without bringing Your embrace of love. Oh Meher, why have You become merciless toward me? Did You let me be born only to show me days of separation? Oh Bhau, there must be some secret to His keeping at a distance. Perhaps He is bringing me closer by staying farther away. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY index ******* COMPLETELY USELESS TO THE WORLD Throughout the night I couldn't sleep— I was violently restless without You. How can I tell anyone what has happened to me by remembering Your Name? From Your love, I have become completely useless to the world, But I am most useful now that I am useless in its eyes. My only occupation is drinking wine through Your glance. What else can I do now that I have learned this trade? I am restless, day or night, because You stay away. How can I take rest when You won't come to me? Oh Beloved, I love You, but I tell others You are cruel. I am jealous whenever You express Your love for someone else. Oh Meher, come or I will surely die— My heart cannot wait any longer for Your sweet embrace. My enemies are weeping seeing my plight, But, oh Bhau, my Beloved still has no mercy for me. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY-ONE index ******* IN THE COMPANY OF GOD These days I do nothing but weep in the company of God. How long can I remain loyal to the One who is a traitor to me? The one who has dedicated his all to God has found his all in Him. His feet are planted in the state of baqa in the company of fana. Oh Meher, my life is restless beyond imagination— I am wounded deeply by the beauty of Your soft rays. Even after death I am burning in the fire of Your love. Flames spread out of my ashes, but I still seethe in the cauldron. Oh Beloved, how merciless You have become. With my every loyal act, Your temper is volcanic toward me. Oh Bhau, now I am so disgusted I don't want His blessings— You cannot imagine the difficulties His grace brings! GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY-TWO index ******* THE VALLEY IS FILLED WITH MY TEARS I am crossing this ocean of fire and no one knows The pain I bear while going from one shore to the other. As soon as I reached the far shore I found a wide valley. I stand at its edge terrified—not knowing how to span it. I crossed the ocean —but how to cross this tremendous valley? How can I? It's impossible! How I long for union! Thousands of lovers stand motionless at this valley, Weeping fire instead of shedding tears. The valley fills with my tears, but I don't know how to swim. Without the guidance of the Master I won't be able to cross it. Finally my Beloved was merciful when He saw the extent of my tears. He caught hold of my hand and at last I am passing through it. As soon as I crossed the valley I found I had become One with my Master. Now it is for me to bring those who are waiting on the other side. I alone am—there is no one else besides me; I find myself in everyone and I find everyone in me. Oh Meher, You reside on the far side of the valley, But I find You everywhere in this ocean of creation. Oh Bhau, how difficult it is to cross from one shore to another. I have seen many become fire as soon as they set out. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY-THREE index ******* HE EXISTS IN YOUR HEART How many wounds has longing left in every corner of my heart? They have joined together and entered a pact to overthrow my rule. How can my mind even think of setting sail across the ocean When I find myself surrounded by storms near the shore? Why should I wander to places of pilgrimage When they are in every corner of my heart? The lovers of God burn in fire and weep for ages. No wonder they shed tears even when near His abode. Oh Meher, be merciful and show Your generosity. Pass Your wine around to all lovers in Your court. Oh Bhau, what a fool you are to search in holy books for Your Beloved. Be wise—know well that He exists in your heart! GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY-FOUR index ******* THE SALUTATIONS OF MY TEARS Oh Beloved, how can I talk normally with anyone; how can I face the world? I am ashamed for having been driven out of Your lane. I mourn the memory of intimacy, and no one can realize my helplessness. I lost all merit and self-esteem when I was kicked out of Your lane. I had resolved never to see or remember You again. Yet now my helplessness remembers You even more, and longs for union. You must come to me; You can't resist the power of my helplessness. It desperately calls You, beckoning with the salutations of my tears. With what simplicity and innocence I commit the sin Of complaining to You about the Beloved's attitude! Oh Meher, what a light shines in You! I am awed to see the grandeur of Your infinite purity. Oh Bhau, this helplessness is killing me. No one has any idea how I pass through this lane. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY-FIVE index ******* HAPPY TO BE AT YOUR FEET I won't create any wants in my heart now. I'll be truthful and never dishonest. I have become sick with the pain of love. Won't You cure me—don't You see my plight? Oh Beloved, go ahead and pile disaster after disaster upon me. I have given You my heart and become too helpless to complain. I am so completely lost in Your love— I am happy just to be at Your feet. What kind of helplessness is this? It leaves even union up to Him. Oh Meher, my heart is restless to be united with You. Don't make excuses—just embrace me with union. Oh Beloved, wound my heart—there is relief in pain. I promise I will never ask You to heal it. Oh Bhau, what can I expect from my Beloved? His duty is to inflict wounds—not to heal them. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY-SIX index ******* YOU SEARCHED THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE You are abode-less, but I've found Your abode. You are without any trace, but I've found Your mark. I was a slave of Parvardigar, but because of His union I have found my life which was lost and I have found my abode. The life of God has become my life; Whatever was lost in the night of illusion is now found. The Knowledge of God has become my Knowledge; I earned it through divine love when I lost my self. The Power of God has become my Power; I had lost it by my absorption in illusion. I have now found the Bliss of God. How can I describe what I have lost or what I have gained? That which cannot be done by formless God I witnessed being done by God in human form. How can I describe the mercy of God? I was a great sinner and He made me conscious of Himself. Oh Meher, how can I describe Your secret? Everyone sees Your veil, but I see Your glory. Oh Bhau, you searched for Him throughout your life, But He remained hidden and you could not find Him. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY-SEVEN index ******* MY SONG IS WEEPING FIRE My heart longs impatiently for the curative rest— It is weeping tears of blood for God. Oh Executioner, why do You delay my hanging? My heart is prepared for the annihilation of self. You have no mercy; You are always unfaithful, While I live to remain faithful to You. I am for You and You are for me. I am loyal to You, but You are disloyal to me. Oh Meher, now my song is weeping fire— It sheds tears only for Your grace. Oh Bhau, how can I count the promises He has given me? He has never fulfilled any, yet all are fulfilled. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY-EIGHT index ******* THE SONG IN FORM This love showers catastrophe after catastrophe on me. Who wouldn't feel pity at seeing my tears of fire? My heart persistently longs to be united with Him. I've tried to stop it, but it has gone out of my hands. The song's shadow which has covered me since the beginning of creation Now faces the Song in form and I am restless to emerge out of darkness. I shed tears because of the Song—the Song because of me. Our tears are filling an ocean but our suffering does not end. What a plight this is for my Beloved and me! My heart is terrified not knowing what will happen next. Oh Meher, be merciful—have some pity—I am dying! The song is digging my grave with the shovel of my tears. The Song which reveals there is relief in pain Is taking my heart to union's sweetness. Oh Bhau, what should I do? My song is nothing but fire. But I love it despite what it does to me. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FORTY-NINE index ******* THE WORSHIP OF MY LIFE The pain of longing comes from the heart, and so does its relief. If the heart is safe in love's abode, paradise is assured. All my desires have died and I am living for death. Oh death, this time the worship of my life will not be in vain! I am so ruined, I can only laugh and laugh at my helplessness. But the world thinks I am at peace, having the time of my life. I cannot bear this pain of longing, but I cannot live without it. I laugh while weeping inside as I destroy myself. Oh Meher, why do You hide Yourself—why not come to me? I have been restless for ages—now my love longs to see You. Oh Bhau, I tell you I am fed up with this life! I want death, nothing else—I no longer care about paradise. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY index ******* LOVE HAS RUINED ME This intoxication is so intense I've completely forgotten myself. Oh Beloved, I've become Yours; I no longer belong to myself. If that Sight is gained, it sees Him everywhere— without it, He is nowhere. But up until now, I do not know where he is and where He is not. My heart is somewhere and I am somewhere else. This particle of dust does not know what or where it is. I was held in great respect and renown throughout the world, But this love has ruined me without leaving a trace of my grave. You would not listen to the song I composed for You— It turned into dust and pricks me like thorns. Oh Meher, my life is restless—my longing is weeping. Doesn't the voice of my heart ever reach Your abode? Oh Bhau, how long can I bear the torments of my Beloved? My fate is terrible, yet it is not. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-ONE index ******* IT IS ALL HERE TODAY AND GONE TOMORROW Whether you are a king or a beggar, it is all here today and gone tomorrow. Life is easy, like a joke; but it becomes so difficult if not taken this way. One whose heart is still alive never dies— Ask Farhad what the heart cannot do. But how could King Khushroo understand Farhad's heart? What was impossible for Farhad to do for Shireen? To carve out the mountain and build the canal was nothing for Farhad. Whether you are a king or a beggar, it is all here today and gone tomorrow. Farhad dug out the mountain in ten years With only one thought—to win Shireen. King Khushroo became frightened when he heard of this. He plotted and schemed—eventually deceiving Farhad. He sent a message saying that Shireen had died long ago, Whether you are a king or a beggar, it is all here today and gone tomorrow. When Farhad heard the message he wept and wept, and began to die. Shireen was also terribly grieved when she heard what the king had done. Their hearts were united—they were One in love. For them, the deceit of King Khushroo was the pain of hell. But Khushroo did not know his throne was powerless before their love. Whether you are a king or a beggar, it is all here today and gone tomorrow. Farhad died as soon as he heard the message. His master then appeared and gave him the water of eternal life. Farhad became famous throughout the world as Kokhan, And King Khushroo surrendered his life at his feet. Khushroo was not worthy of the love of Shireen, but after his surrenderance he became a real king. Whether you are a king or a beggar, it is all here today and gone tomorrow. Khushroo deeply repented and Farhad embraced him. He gave him his love and he accepted him. Shireen would visit Farhad every day. The atmosphere of love encircled him. Farhad had become the ocean now; he no longer remained a drop. Whether you are a king or a beggar, it is all here today and gone tomorrow. The moment Farhad dropped his mortal form, Shireen also died. King Khushroo dug one grave for both. Oh Beloved Meher what love You bestowed on them! People are inspired hearing the story of their love. Oh Bhau, I tell you the truth, you are not worthy of that love! Whether you are a king or a beggar, it is all here today and gone tomorrow. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-TWO index ******* THE RELATIONSHIP OF LOVE WITH THE MASTER The relationship of love with the Master must be maintained without a break Life must be surrendered at His feet and one must die there. There is no shortage of false saints in the world. Keep away from the enticing nets which they spread These false saints are fools who catch false-hearted lambs in their traps. Be careful—keep away from the deadly traps of these false saints! Their work is to drag others into the ditch. They unknowingly fall as well—- they should be made to weep. Can there be any reality shining in false pearls? Why should pearls give way to imitations? One who is a Fakir is a real Master. To find such a One is not easy, but one should try. The Master can make His slave like Himself in a moment. The duty of every man is to wholeheartedly serve such a Perfect One. A true Master can make a particle of dust like Himself. To serve such a Master one must turn his heart into blood. When you are following the Master, why desire the union of God? It is your duty to surrender everything to His wish. Oh Lord Beloved Meher, I only long to fulfill Your wish. Oh Bhau, to achieve this I am surrendering my self at His feet. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-THREE index ******* TO KEEP YOU INTOXICATED Lovers must create the mirror of the Beloved's beauty— To see their Real Self in it they must efface their illusory form. To love the Beloved is easy as well as difficult. But the lover must go beyond both extremes. The lover must efface that which cannot be effaced— That which is impossible, he must make possible. There are thousands and thousands of hypocritical saints, But it takes ages to come into contact with a Perfect Master. Oh Meher, why do I remain thirsty near Your wineshop? Don't hesitate to give me cup after cup. My life has become Your pleasure, and I am restless as a result. Show Your glory with all its effulgence to my ruined life. I have played thousands of games according to my own desire. Now I want to play the game which seeks only Your pleasure. It is an ancient story that to meet the Beloved is impossible, But through sincere determination and deep longing He must come. There are difficulties, calamities, and utter helplessness in love. But in this Path of love they are welcomed as soothing remedies. A time comes when the pain of longing is one's life— Then the pain itself becomes its own cure. If you want the longing for union to keep you intoxicated day and night Then, oh Bhau, you must turn your life into dust at your Beloved's feet. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-FOUR index ******* AT LEAST SOMETIMES Oh Meher, Your lover is restless. At least sometimes hear him, At least sometimes ask him what he wants; at least sometimes ask him what he is pleading for. Oh Beloved, You are a flower; You are also its fragrance and color. You are the garden and its Gardener; at least sometimes manifest. You are not the garden where there are thorns. I am searching for that garden of only one flower; at least sometimes shower Your grace so I can find it. You are not that flower which fragrance ever diminishes. Oh Beloved, open the bud of my heart; at least sometimes fill it with the fragrance which always remains fresh. You are not that flower which withers— You are that flower which eternally blooms. What a wonderful smile You have; At least sometimes fill the flower of my heart with that smile. You are not that flower which color will fade. I am searching for that flower; at least sometimes give it to me. Oh Meher, I have dedicated myself at Your feet; You are my life and everything for me. Let Your color and fragrance at least sometimes fill my heart. How is it possible for tears to utter anything? The Ocean has been filled with their drops. Oh Beloved, listen to the entreaties of my tears, And at least sometimes have mercy on me. I am the branch of the garden's tree which has been chopped down— What should I do now? I am infinitely restless. Oh Beloved, at least sometimes come and be with me. This love is now causing my ruin— oh Beloved, have mercy on Bhau. Murder him this very moment— oh Beloved, this will be his cure. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-FIVE index ******* IF THE HEART IS CLEAN If I hadn't been a sinner, how could You have been merciful? If I hadn't been ignorant, what use would Your Knowledge be? Muslim priests tell me I should recite their prayers. They threaten that I will burn in hell if I don't. Hindu priests tell me I should worship at a temple. They also threaten me with the agony of hell if I don't. Oh the Path, there is no value to places of pilgrimage— The Kaaba or anywhere else. Spiritual advancement is possible only if the heart is clean. The lover of God has no time for ceremonies or religious rituals. He is the slave of wine and remains addicted to it. Oh Meher, Your abode is always in the lover's heart. Where can the lover go if You do not care for him? I have sacrificed the world from addiction to wine. I have become sick—You alone can heal me. Priests have never tasted real wine; They don't know the joy it contains. The mirror of the lover's heart is always rippling, Until one day it becomes the abode of wine. I was caught in the trap of love forever. Oh Bhau, what can I do but lie helplessly in it? GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-SIX index ******* WHAT YOU HAVE TO ACHIEVE Where should I go? Wherever I go You are there. I wanted to forget You, but You are in my heart. Oh lover, how long will you sleep in this false dream? How negligent you are, never thinking of what you have to achieve. Your voice awakened me and now I am on my way to You. But I face upheavals at every step and I don't know where You are. There are thousands of stations on the Path for momentary rest. I collapse at every one, crying out, "Beloved, where are You?" At every station You lift me with Your own hands. Oh Meher, how merciful You are! You are my companion on this Path. The Path is now filled with the fire of my tears. I am dying and my heart calls "Where are You? Where are You?" My tears have used a thread of fire to seal my lips. How helpless I am! Wherever You are, from there You must come! An ocean of fire churns deep within my heart. You are the sparks that ignited it—You are the fire itself. With great difficulty, I reached Your doorstep after ages. Now wherever I look, I see You and nothing else. Thousands of lovers are at Your threshold shedding tears. They are annihilated to dust and see You everywhere. How long can I wait for You at Your doorstep? You glance at me, but only with indifference. My dust is shedding tears—what waiting is this? Oh Bhau, now I realize that He is the source of all distress! GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-SEVEN index ******* THE PLIGHT OF THOSE ON THIS PATH No one in the world can imagine the plight of those on this Path— Their pain of separation, their state of union, their question or their answer. Where is the question of sin or virtue in the eyes of those Who remember You night and day, seeking Your pleasure with every breath? I do not know who I am, where I came from or where I am going. I am tightly caught in illusion's grip; I've never heard of the book of accounts. How can one who has become the dust at Your feet and annihilated his existence have anything left in his account? How can he have any veil? I am impatient for Your real darshan and the final Union with You. I am a particle of dust in Your path; why keep this veil between us? The Perfect Master makes the dust at His feet like Himself. Then the answer is found in the question, And the dream is experienced as a dream. Oh Meher, I am sick beyond any cure; the only treatment Is sickness itself—what a painful life I lead! I am holding my life in my palm as I shed tears at Your threshold. I am dead but what joy there is in my suffering and pain! I wasn't a drinker, and now I am repenting my start. Oh Bhau, you have no idea what wine my dust distills! GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-EIGHT index ******* OH SAKI, MAKE ME LIKE YOURSELF Oh Saki, make me Your wineshop! I am sober, intoxicate me! I am sick of constantly thinking of myself. Have mercy on me—make me mad for You! Oh Saki, make me drink wine and progress onward. I am in mid-ocean—make me Your cup. Do not strand me in mid-ocean all alone. Catch hold of my hand for the final crossing. Atheists laugh at me, thinking me mad. Oh Saki, make them mad like me, so they'll know what madness is. Lovers say it is the atheists who are cunning and mad. Oh Beloved, make them lose interest in the affairs of the world. Why should I listen to atheists when I can listen to lovers? Oh Saki, from tasting Your wine I long to become Your wineshop. Don't make me like this or like that, Make me glorious like Yourself. For a long time the world has been pulling me toward it. Oh Beloved, bring me to You and make me the story of Truth. Oh Meher, I have come to You now. Make me the moth of Your flame. Oh Bhau, I have become helpless in this Path By pleading with the Saki to make me mad! GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-NINE index ******* OH BHAU, LOVE SAYS Intellect says, "Don't ruin yourself in this way!" While love says, "Don't complain about the pain of longing." Intellect says, "Oh heart, why burden yourself with troubles? Take advantage of whatever makes you happy in this world." Love says, "Don't listen to the intellect or pay attention to it. Don't waste your life by following its advice." I am telling the world to forget about me. Because the world is nothing but a dream. What can I do? My heart is getting out of control. Oh Meher, don't disappoint anyone as You have me. Love cannot bear the burden of the intellect. Oh intellect, don't fill my house with your trash! How many false masters abound these days in every lane! Lover of god, never got to them even in your dreams. The heart says, "It is possible to find the Beloved." It beseeches, "Don't release me from the prison of love." Oh Beloved, I weep day and night just for You. Remember me; don't treat me with indifference. You have given me innumerable promises over the years, And though all were empty, my heart does not feel they were broken. I am dying every minute, but I am alive in Your love. Oh Murderer, have some mercy! Stop twisting the knife in my pain. Oh Bhau, this time He has really forgotten you— But remember Him anyway, and forget everything else. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY index ******* THE WATER OF ETERNAL LIFE FLOWS FROM HIM Oh love for the world, do not ruin me! Forget me and I'll forget you! Every breath of Majnun manifested Laila's beauty. Oh Laila, now you should have ignored him. Oh Beloved, I am full of agony in Your prison, But I still enjoy it—please do not set me free. You have cut off my legs and made me crippled. Oh Executioner, why delay in beheading me? Oh Meher, dry the tears of my wound. Don't make me any more miserable by being indifferent. It was not enough to surrender thousands of lives at His feet. Oh love, you should not complain about the pain of longing! False saints never kiss the dust; No one should make them his Master. The water of eternal life flows from Him, the true Master. Don't be disappointed—be thirsty and drink it! The pain of separation has broken my heart. Oh Merciless One, have mercy on me. All desires, good and bad, spoil my life. Oh Bhau, don't allow any desire to take hold. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-ONE index ******* MY HEART HAS BECOME MAD Oh Beloved, I cannot stop shedding tears in Your separation. My heart is broken in pieces and the pieces are shedding tears. These tears have washed away all traces of desire; But instead of setting me free, they are scalding me. I abandoned the world for You, not knowing how difficult it would be to find You. I am hopelessly lost—inviting my death every moment. Where have You hidden Yourself, oh Meher? I can't bear this separation. I have become so mad in my love for You That the world has discarded me. See how many fakirs there are in the world. Though they appear like lambs, they are wolves! Oh Beloved, You are the only true Fakir. I am longing for Your love. I have no rest or relief; my heart has become mad in Your separation. I console it by saying, "He is coming ... He is coming ... just wait a little longer." My heart has become blood from the knife of wine. My heart is annihilated—now I am annihilating myself. Wine falsely consoles my heart, making it laugh while making me weep inside. What can I do with a laughter that makes me seethe within? Oh Bhau, I am fatally wounded in the trap of His love. There is no escape—this trap will be my grave. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-TWO index ******* THERE IS NO BELOVED LIKE YOU There is no lover like me in the world and there is no Beloved like You. But where is that world of intoxication where no one but You resides? Union is found in the intense longing of separation, But Beloved, I will die if I have to spend another moment separated from You. I am neither dying nor living in this strange world of love. You never listen to the unceasing calls of my heart. In Your friendship there is nothing but pain; it is taking my life. I hope even my worst enemy does not have to pass through such a plight. Oh Meher, why shouldn't I weep—You are killing me! My life is a catastrophe. I don't want it any longer. Oh Beloved, my heart will either unite with You or sever itself from my chest. This world is nothing but the all-pervading House of Illusion. How can I describe the storms raging near the ocean's shore? How will I be able to face them and make the final crossing? Oh Bhau, what will the result of this love be? I am fed up even at the beginning. and the Beloved isn't offering any help. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-THREE index ******* A WORTHLESS WRECK My heart is completely different from what it was before. Now in love, oh Beloved, I am considered a worthless wreck. Oh Meher, continue deepening the wound of my heart. My only complaint is that You are not murdering me! I am drowning in mid-ocean And You no longer act as the shore. There must be some secret to my plight; Otherwise, why would I choose this madness? Either come, or continue to deepen my wounds. Don't think I cannot bear Your afflictions. Oh Bhau, my heart is leaping out of my chest. It is no longer mine—it belongs completely to Him. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-FOUR index ******* THIS LOVE MAKES A MAN BECOME GOD Oh Meher, why did You throw me into this cauldron of pain? Why did You leave me alone in a forest full of nightmares? I went to Your garden convinced I would find peace of mind, But Your wind-blown locks captured my heart in a prison of pain. The wound of my heart was deep—I wept with anguish. You sprinkled salt on the wounds and thus showered Your mercy on me. My dust was weeping after drinking the blood of my heart. Why couldn't You make its death easy for me to bear? When I did not love You, I was filled with desires but at least I was happy. Now I realize that these desires have kept me bound for ages on end. I thought Your behavior with me was friendly, But You were actually preparing for my death. How can I ever tell You what I've found in this Path? I was a beggar, Your love made me a king. This life is life when it becomes love, And this love makes a man become God. What use is a life drowned in the allurements of the world? The desires of lust only made me a devil. Pain is now my cure and my constant companion. By killing me You showered Your sweet grace. It isn't easy to follow You, then stay with you. Bhau surrendered his life only because of Your grace. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-FIVE index ******* SINGING ON THE GROUNDS OF INFINITY I am quietly bearing the intense pain of separation. I am cheerfully facing the waylaid trauma of love. My sole enemy is my own existence. I am annihilating my self and thus finding God. I am completely detached from the affairs of the world. I am finding fana and existing in baqa. Oh Meher, how long has it been since I surrendered to You? Your reward for my continued faithfulness is only more kicks. The ruination of my self has given me a lamp. Now I see my self pervading from the beginning to the end. As soon as I turned to ash I experienced That I am in the same place from where I began. My life is soaked in the blood of my heart— What a plight I am passing through while devouring my self. My ash has offered me that song Which I am singing on the grounds of infinity. What type of longing is this, what type of love? You kick me, but my love increases! Oh Bhau, the world laughs at the pain of my weeping. How can I tell them of the treasure at my Beloved's feet? GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-SIX index ******* MY HELPLESSNESS PRIED OPEN THE WINESHOP'S DOOR Why search for the Beloved in the world? He is in your heart. All stations of the Path are in you, and you are in every station. Love made Majnun restless, tormented, and anguished. Laila shared his love while riding on the royal camel's seat. My helplessness pried open the wineshop's door. Now in the court of lovers, I am the sole topic of conversation. The Ocean of love has no shore. Yet it is also found at the shore. Oh Meher, I've become mad after drinking the wine flowing from Your eyes, But the world does not know the awareness my madness has gained. What pain I am passing through in Your friendship. I am dying and Your arrows continue to pierce my heart. My dust is weeping in my grave, But that Murderer still has no mercy for this dust. If Your wish is followed in every breath, then life is nothing but light. If this is accomplished, the Goal of life is achieved. I am describing the pain of my heart through the voice of my tears. Listening is Your decision, but know that my heart is overflowing with pain. Difficulties and tribulations are treasured in the Path of dust. Oh Bhau, one who is completely ruined is the Beloved's abode. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-SEVEN index ******* TO SEE YOU AS YOU ARE Oh Meher, You are hidden—what can I do? How many wounds should I inflict on my heart to see You? The closer I come to You, the farther away You go. I have only one longing, to see You as You are. As long as the eye is closed, the Ocean is a drop But when the eye opens, the drop is the Ocean. If You are with me I have everything. But how can I find You if You are far away? You have lit an undying fire in my heart. How long can I burn and remain in this pitiful state? The lamp is neither burning nor being extinguished. Oh Bhau, how long will I have to weep this night? GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-EIGHT index ******* WINE HAS BECOME A BURDEN Oh Meher, wine has now become a burden for me, But how can I stop drinking—it has become my life. I was never so restless before I tasted wine. After drinking I was thrown into an ocean of strife. Either embrace me or give me a slap. Your pleasure alone is now mine. I do not want the wealth of the three worlds. Your pleasure is the only treasure I seek. By Your grace Mira gained love and Tulsida's devotion. But I am not so fortunate—I have not gained a thing. You torture me day and night, but You are my Beloved. This is my fate—to be tortured by You. Oh Bhau, how can you expect to find your true existence? You have yet to become like the dust of this Path. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-NINE index ******* THE WORD OF WORDS IS COMING Oh Meher, what a light there is in Your silence! The light of Your silence makes all words powerless. Words are only the seventh shadow of Your silence. Is it possible for a shadow to ever become light? Oh Beloved, the Word of words is in Your silence. That Word is full of meaning—that Word is full of light. Hearing the sound of Your silence makes one dead. Whoever hears the sound of that Word becomes light. Those who are dead receive the Song from Your silence. How can those alive to the world see its light? When, at morning, the Word emerges from Your silence, The world will come to know that the Word is light. Where there is oneness , there is silence. Manyness can never fathom its depth and beauty. Oh world, why are you busy playing with the zero? The sound of that zero keeps away the light. The light of His silence is not for those under the clutches of illusion. They remain behind imagination's curtain, indifferent to the Truth. Oh Beloved, if Your silence is not speaking every moment How can the world ever progress in consciousness? You are silent to silence all languages of the mind. Only a silent mind can see the light of Your silence. You are silencing our minds through Your silence. When the mind dies the light of Your silence is seen. You are silent, but You speak eternally in the naked heart, Your language is one sweet Word and its sound is light. The time is coming for You to give that Word of words to the world. Night will then become day and the light of that Word will be seen forever. GHAZAL ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY index contents *******