LOST IN HIS OCEAN

 
You have asked, if you fail to carry out Meher Baba's order, His wish, His precepts, are you lost?

But lost where? In His infinite Ocean? Is there any room for us to get lost there? No, there is no room for us to get lost; He is there. But then, on this particular occasion or that, we displease Him, and then, so to say, we are lost. We have fallen and we should cry out for His help. Yes, it behooves us to obey Him, and if we do not, then, in a sense, at that moment, we are lost. Can I give you an instance, my own instance, where I should have been lost, yet now I find myself still amongst you all? Would you like to hear that instance?

It so happened that Baba called me and my family (that is, my mother and father, brother and sisters) in 1938 to be with Him, to leave everything and follow Him. Naturally we came and, by His grace, by His help, we followed Him. Somehow or other, we maimed ones, weak ones, could, by His grace, struggle, crawl, walk and even run sometimes. Years passed by. For myself I say that, well, I tried my best to please Him, to carry out His wishes.

Many things happened. We went on tours, mast tours, tours hunting for needy families, work to do with the poor, the mad, the masts, and the lepers. Then we were with Him in the New Life. He assured us we would not return, and we went out through India and then, somehow, we found ourselves back in the place where we had started, at Meherazad. There Baba completed the phase of the New Life called manonash.

The New Life was an exhilarating time because we had great freedom living a life of utter hopelessness and helplessness. But physically, it was exhausting. I was strong as a young man, stronger than any of you, but strength is finite, and Baba will push you to the very limits of your endurance. So it was that each morning when I got up, I would tell myself, one more day, just make it through the day. Because Baba had laid great emphasis on the manonash work and seemed to indicate that if He completed it successfully, the burden of work would be lifted somewhat. At least, that is the impression I got. So I struggled through, one day at a time, until at last, on January 31, 1952, Baba had the dhuni dug behind what is now my cabin and declared that He had completed the work one hundred percent to His satisfaction.

I heard that with a great sigh of relief, like a horse that has finally reached the stable and at last can have some sort of rest and relaxation. But no sooner had Baba announced that His work was completed than He started a new phase of work, which included traveling to the West, and Baba told me I was to accompany Him.

I said, "But Baba, it is impossible for this body to be of use to You, it is struggling, it is about to fall. It cannot stand the constant stress and strain. I will only be a burden to You if I go." Baba replied that He wanted me to come. But what was my job? To look after Baba's physical comfort, and I felt I wouldn't be able to do that. That Baba would have to take care of me instead of me taking care of Him, so I pleaded with Baba to excuse me, saying that I would only be a drag, a burden on Him.

"You must come," Baba answered. I fell on my knees and asked His pardon. "Please, Baba, do not do this. I know I will only be a drag on You." I knew within myself that it was not possible for me to go. The exertion on my body had been too much, the extreme fatigue I was experiencing made it difficult for me to stand up, my legs would tremble; I knew I was in no condition to travel to America and look after Baba there, so I begged Baba to release me, to let me stay behind. Finally Baba got upset at my attitude and gestured, "Well, what is the use then of your living with Me? Get out from here! Get out! If you don't obey Me, what's the point of living with Me?" Saying this, Baba left His seat to retire to His room for the night.

I quietly went to my cabin to prepare myself to leave. Baba was right, if I wasn't going to obey Him, then I should leave, so I started to sort out my things to leave. I went to pack up my belongings and picked up my blanket, but then I realized, this blanket isn't mine, it was given to me by Baba. The sheets were also given to me by Baba. We had come to Baba as refugees and everything we had had been given to Him. Now, everything I had had been given to me by Baba. Even the clothes I was wearing had been given to me by Baba.

I realized that I couldn't take anything, it all belonged to Baba. I would have to leave naked. It would be embarrassing, but that didn't bother me. What did bother me was the thought that someone would see me and think poorly of Baba. It wouldn't look right if I just walked naked away from Meherazad. I didn't mind for myself, but I didn't want to do anything which might put Baba in a bad light, so I decided to wait a little longer until it was dark, and then I would leave.

But I had no sooner made this decision than another problem confronted me. I thought, "Even this body is not mine. I have surrendered completely to Baba, not just my possessions but my body too. How can I now take it away? It doesn't belong to me but to Baba." As these thoughts were assailing me, one of the mandali knocked at my door with a message from Baba. I was to stay at Meherazad, eat supper, go to sleep, and Baba would talk with me in the morning.

But during that night, the Compassionate One had someone type up a long circular, and first thing the next morning, Baba gave it to me to read. To this day I don't know who stayed up that night typing the circular, but Baba just handed it to me and told me to read it. It said that not long after Baba left for the West, Pendu and I would be going out all over India and Pakistan to give Baba's message of love to all. We were to travel around the country, telling people about Baba and seeing who wanted to join Baba on the Life, the new phase of His work which was starting. I read the circular and I thought, "This is worse than if I had gone to America. Traveling in America would be easy compared to this." This was much more strenuous, would be much more exhausting, there was no doubt about it, but then I deserved it.

Baba asked if I had any questions. Nothing was said about the previous day, about Baba's ordering me to get out. Baba merely asked if I had any questions. I said, "But Baba, what should I say? I am not a public speaker. I have never given any talks, I don't know anything about spirituality. How am I supposed to tell people about You?" For since coming to Baba I had swept Baba's floor, I had made His bed, in short I had been Baba's valet; I was not cut out for public speaking.

But the incident in the cabin helped me, for I realized that nothing belonged to me, that I did not belong to myself. That helped me. If we lose ourselves completely, then He is there. It all depends on how far we lose ourselves. We need to lose ourselves totally, and then we become His. So He handles us. Sometimes we get blunt, sometimes too sharp, sometimes crooked; Baba just mends us and uses us as His instruments. So that all helped.

But still, when Baba asked if I had any questions, I said, "But what message should I give out?"

Baba said, "Well, you have been living with me now for many years. Your eyes and ears have been open. Simply tell people about what you have seen and heard while living with Me for so many years."

"But Baba, I am not a public speaker. I have never done anything like this."

"What makes you think that you will be speaking? Before you begin to speak, stand there and remember Me. Say, 'Baba, You want me to speak, so speak,' and then just open your mouth and don't worry about it."

And after Baba left for the West in April 1952, Pendu and I set out to tour the country, and I did as Baba instructed. And I continue to do that now. Even today, as I sit here, I do what Baba told me to do. And being infinitely compassionate, Baba instructed me in one other thing which otherwise might have been a problem. As I have told you many times, although I lived with Baba, I was an observer, not a lover or a believer. Knowing that it would be difficult for me to say, "Baba is the Avatar," or "Baba is the Ancient One" with one hundred percent conviction, Baba instructed me to say, "Baba says He is the same Ancient One come once again in your midst." Even in this little thing, Baba's compassion rescued me.

So we get lost, there is no doubt, but He is always there to find us. If we fail to carry out an order, then we are lost, no doubt about it. But He is the one who will find us. It is never too late, and we are never lost forever.

Those who turn their backs to Him and on Him must, eventually, face Him because He is in all directions. He is the infinite One, He is infinite compassion, and in His compassion He tries to accelerate our facing Him. But we are free to remain adamant, inflexible. We are free to turn our backs to Him, and He says, "All right, take your time, I am not in a hurry."

It is in His love that is always flowing that He is impatient. If we do not recognize this impatience, then we continue our path away from Him, and He will permit us to do so. But eventually we must face Him because He is everywhere. He is everywhere. There is no place where He is not. He is everything, there is no thing in which He is not. One time Baba asked us, "What is hell?" As usual, we all gave different answers, and then Baba gestured, "Whatever you take hell to be, know that I am there too. I cannot be excluded from hell because I am in all existence. So as soon as you grant hell existence, I too am there."

From the point of view of Reality, there is none but Him. So who is getting lost? Who is being punished? Who turns his face away from Him? None but Himself. There is none but Himself. So, really speaking, He is the one who turns away from Himself, He is the one who makes us fall, but unless we fall, how can He exercise his compassion? Yet, as human beings, it behooves us to take upon ourselves our weaknesses. Even if it is He who makes us fall, it is presumptuous of us to say that. It behooves us to take our weaknesses upon ourselves, to accept them as our own. And to struggle to overcome them. We must not brood on our weaknesses, or think, "I am so weak," all the time. But we must not become complacent either and say, "Well, I am only doing this because Baba wants me to." We must do our best to obey Baba, but we must also realize that it is impossible for anyone to lose His love and compassion. That is what we should concentrate on, not our failings, but His love. For His love is eternal and invincible.