JOURNEY OUT OF DARKNESS

 
However, by now the thought was gnawing at my mind, something was seriously the matter, and I was beginning to recognize, the matter rested entirely with me. Was I procrastinating in my response to Meher Baba's Call, His order for me to come to Him? Why couldn't I respond as Phyllis had?

Originally Meher Baba had instructed Phyllis and me to come in May, when He intended to have a mass darshan for his Eastern lovers. Did not that first order still stand? The more I thought about it, the more it seemed, this was still what we were supposed to do. I decided to cable Baba saying, "We are preparing to come to see you in May as you directed." But after the cable was on its way, I began to wonder if May was really the proper and appropriate time for us. I did not really relish the prospect of merging awkwardly in a strictly Eastern Darshan amidst thousands of Eastern people. Why couldn't I just see Meher Baba as Phyllis had, without the crush of thousands all around Him? Phyllis had simply gone, however impetuously, and everything had worked out so beautifully. I was bothered by the feeling I was not handling things properly.

Then a reply came back from Baba, a cable stating simply, "You and Phyllis come in December, Western Sahavas." So that was settled. I felt better about it. And the months went by as spring rolled on into summer, and we waited.

I was aware, however, that Baba did invite Dr. Harry Kenmore to come to India to attend the great Eastern Darshan in May of '65. It was apparent Harry did not have to write to Baba for clarification whether to come or not. Tom had told me, "Harry just goes to see Baba whenever he feels like it. He doesn't ask. He just goes. He goes even when Baba has told everyone to stay away. Baba seems to have a different sort of relationship with Harry Kenmore."

Was there something the matter with me? I was starting to worry about it. It seemed clear, Phyllis by now had gotten way ahead with Baba.

Then, in the mail, a shocking announcement came from India. It was already the middle of September. Meher Baba announced to His Mandali at Meherazad, "Owing to the strain on my health, the burden of my Universal work, and the present conflict between Pakistan and India, it is going to be necessary for me to cancel the Western Darshan I was intending to give in December. I want all my lovers to be resigned to My Will."

When the circular was sent out from India to the Winterfeldts and distributed by them far and wide in America to all His lovers, we wondered what were we to do now? And that was what Phyllis was asking me at this moment. Indeed, what was I to do now?

"We have to go right away!" I said.

Phyllis started to say, "But what about . . . . ?"

"We're finished with 'What about!' The time has arrived. We have to go."

Phyllis couldn't contradict me, for was it not the very action she had taken only a few months before? My way had flopped. Now we were taking up Phyllis' way. I was not to be kept back any longer from going to Meher Baba as He had directed. Now there was nothing for me to do but go.

~~The last chapter of Lyn's autobiography is titled "Pilgrimage to the Abode of Love." The entire chapter detailing Lyn's meeting with Meher Baba at Meherazad appeared in the November 1993 and May 1994 issues of GLOW International.

~~The excerpts published here [in GLOW] do not follow a sequential order. Relevant chapters have been abstracted and juxtaposed to keep the story in context.