I WANT LEMONS

 
Soon after the GDC incident, one evening as I sat engrossed in reading, my mother asked me to go to the market to buy a dozen lemons. The juice of the lemons was needed to help my sister solve a gastric problem she was having — dyspepsia.

I felt lazy at that hour, and I refused. Mother got annoyed, and chided me for being so indifferent to my sister's suffering. The moment she left the room, I thought of Meher Baba and His "Mood of Grace" and again requested Him that I would be so glad and grateful to Him if He somehow arranged for the lemons as he had arranged for the candy. This thought passing, I went back to reading my book.

Only a few minutes elapsed. I could still hear my mother telling my sister how heartless I was becoming, when someone knocked on the door. The servant of one of our neighbors appeared. He had a smile on his lips, and a bag containing more than a dozen lemons in his hand. Depositing the lemons on the table he departed. I took them to my mother. She was astonished.

"How could you get these lemons. You didn't go out to fetch them, did you?"

"Oh no, I never stirred from the room, but someone who listens to my prayers has prompted someone to send them to us. They are from our neighbor. Did you send any message to him yourself for lemons?" This last I asked because a familiar side of my brain was seeking evidence, as a matter of habit.

"No, I told none beside you. And why should I, unless you prove yourself utterly useless to us!" With this final sting, sweet mother collected the lemons, evidently happy for their receipt, although not that happy with me.

As she went away, I was trying to rid myself of my intellectual dyspepsia. I had read so many books that had fostered so much skepticism. Now I felt the desire to achieve faith in Meher Baba, but now my habit of emulating Doubting Thomas was not easily expunged.

I told myself, "Peace, my dear Amiya Kumar, don't be in such a hurry to conclude. Let lots of water flow by before you finally form a verdict."