HAVING SEEN HIM I HAD NOT SEEN

 
Wonderfully spent were the days with Meher Baba in November and December of 1944, rich in spiritual atmosphere and with a real human touch about them. My whole being wished for a recurrence of that precious period. I intensely desired and longed for it, even immoderately — that was my weakness, that was my strength. That was my delight and that was my plight too because I had over-estimated the worth of my efforts, rather than Baba's grace and will.

It dawned on me later that on one's own, one cannot approach the God-Man, Meher Baba. He draws His own, in His own way and time, even after He drops His body. I had seen Reality enformed; I had met in person the Impersonal; and, what a pity, I now wished to measure the Immeasurable with too unreliable a measure, the intellect! I wanted to compare the Incomparable with the images I had formed through thinking and reading, whether right or wrong, about Reality. This meant that, having seen Him, I had not seen.

This was the state I was in during the year 1945. The mystic and the skeptic were both wide awake in me. Mind — what a marvelous issue of Maya. It accepts and rejects, lauds and scoffs, at one and the same time. Some maintain that such diametrical opposite responses are perhaps stepping stones to soaring higher in the realm of spirituality.

Inconceivable is the working of the mind, anyone's mind.