GOHER HERSELF WAS FEELING DEPRESSED

 
Everyone was tired. Rano had to do nightwatch alone. It was noisy and Baba could not sleep. At one point, he left the room and shut the door behind him. The door locked, and Goher had to bring the key from the owner to get back inside.

Goher herself was feeling depressed. Since leaving Myrtle Beach, Baba had made her ride in the second car, while Mehera, Mani, and Meheru rode with him. "I used to feel so sad," she confessed. "I wondered, 'Why does Baba make me sit in another car?' But I didn't say anything.

"Every once in a while, wherever we stopped at a motel, Baba said, 'Oh, you're having a nice time in the other car, enjoying things,' laughing, teasing me, talking and joking with Sarosh.

"Even on the morning of the 24th, Baba repeated this. I said, 'But Baba, I don't want to be in that car. Why don't you let me sit with you in your car? I'm not enjoying myself at all. I want to be with you in the car.'

"'No, no,' he said, 'you should sit in the other car.'

"I used to cry so much [in front of him]. In my diary I made a note that day [the 24th]: 'I miss Baba so much and it hurts so much; one must learn to bear such pains.' Later, I realized I had to be there to look after them. I shouldn't be involved in the accident."