HOW MY EGO MET MEHERA IN MEHERAZAD

 
Whenever I visit India I like to perform my songs and pieces to entertain Baba's Mandali and other pilgrims. On the whole they are well received, but for some reason, in the early eighties, I developed the impression that Mehera did not like it. Once my mind latched onto this notion I became convinced that it was me she did not like; every little gesture seemed to confirm it; and so I would keep away from Mehera's porch.

In 1986 I went to India with my family. In those days people who were due to leave would have a few quiet words on the porch with Mehera who would give them little tokens of Baba's love to take home with them. On the day we were leaving there was a queue of people waiting to say goodbye to her. We were at the end of the line, and I became agitated when Aloba started ringing his bell for everyone to go. I had things to do before leaving, so I decided to miss saying goodbye to Mehera, thinking 'she would not want to be bothered with me anyway.'

Leaving the queue I headed off across the garden. Suddenly from out of nowhere someone appeared in front of me blocking my path. It was Rick Chapman, an old friend. 'Have you said goodbye to Mehera?' he asked.

'Well... you see Rick... I've got to...'

He persisted, 'Have you said goodbye to Mehera?'

'No... but...'.

Looking at me sternly he pointed towards the porch and said 'Go and say goodbye to Mehera!'

Suddenly I was four years old. 'Yes, Rick.' I turned meekly and went back to join my wife and children just as they were arriving at the front of the line. At this moment Baba, as only he knows how, turned on the tap and showered his blessing upon us, and as Mehera twinkled at us, all my worries and doubts about her just melted and vanished. And so we left, clutching our precious gifts, with Baba's love seeds embedded firmly in our hearts.

I sometimes wonder if Rick had any idea of what he did that day. In my mind's eye it was Baba himself who stopped me in Mehera's garden and sent me back, saying in a thunderous voice 'How dare you leave without saying goodbye to my beloved!'

So maybe Mehera did not dislike me after all. It is possible of course that this is just the overactive imagination of an oversized ego, but Baba would often go to great lengths to drive home a necessary lesson. Perhaps in my case he intervened in order to stop me from running away, and to challenge my tendency towards self-doubt and fear of rejection, so that I may receive the grace of his love through his beloved Mehera.

However ... I wonder if Eruch really likes me ... ?