NOTES ON MY TRIP TO INDIA IN 1948

July 20th. Today is the last of the fast, so we start regular meals at 11 a.m. lunch and 6 p.m. supper. Each group has its own little maid (for the first time). These are devoted to Baba and treated as friends. We are regarded as guests, everyone is kind and comes to offer help. There is no sanitation and all water has to be heated, but is plentiful at the moment.

July 21st. A note from Baba saying He will come up tomorrow, 9:30 a.m. with Mehera and Mani, to greet us. There is great excitement as He has not paid the retreat a visit for at least a month.

July 22nd. The great day dawned, a lovely sunny day. The ashram had been like a beehive from 5:30 a.m. Garlands were made and rooms cleaned. Everyone put on their best clothes. At 9 a.m. we heard the car coming up the hill, so we all lined up at the gate. Jean held a mauve garland, and I a white. The car stopped, and out came Mehera and Mani, but no Baba. Our hearts sank, but they smilingly told us He had stopped off at the men's quarters. The car went back and five minutes later, Baba appeared at the gate. He held out His arms and a beaming smile appeared on His face. We ran to embrace Him and the years fell away with all our problems and heartaches. Time stood still — here was Reality! Only those who have had the felicity of being thus embraced can understand the extraordinary feeling of happiness it brings to be thus enfolded in love. He made for His room and at the steps, Masi was waiting to perform the Hindu ceremony of cracking the cocoanut at His feet — symbol of head and heart offered as a sacrifice.

We were told to come in with Mehera and Mani. Baba said He was so happy to have us with Him. We would stay at Meherabad for six weeks and during that time we were to rest, eat, not worry, and to think of Him; and when we moved to Pimplegaon we would be kept busy all the time. He said He was very, very tired, with the weight of the universe upon His shoulders; but soon that would change and also conditions in the West. He continued: "Everyone is Baba, everything is Baba and everywhere is Baba and all else is zero." He intended going on two mast tours. He was really happy with the masts but the six weeks we were at Pimplegaon, He would be with us all the time. Discussions of work would take place from August 1st. All the other women were then called on and He jokingly asked me if I still like Eau de Cologne. This recalled my previous visit to India when I was always using it, owing to the very hot weather.

Baba walked round to inspect our quarters and with that sweetness so characteristic of Him said we were to have everything we really needed. He showed us the inside of the Dome, which is on the spot of the boys' ashram. Here He had stayed seven months, drinking only coffee. He inspected the rest of the ashram, embraced us and went off. We stood outside the gate and watched the car disappear.

Not having seen Him for so long we noticed quite a change. Physically, He looked more powerful and though the love and humor are still in evidence, we felt that the emphasis was on the impersonal aspect of God. His hair is greyer and thinner and He looks much older and suffering very much, though full of power. Except in rare instances, only Mehera is allowed to touch Him. Some say she represents Maya to Him and others that spiritually He works on all femininity through her and that she represents His feminine aspect. Certainly, He has always said that while others are very near and dear to Him in varying degrees, she is the Chosen One.

After this meeting, I felt so calm and happy. A feeling of peace pervaded my being as if a benediction rested on my head. I knew it was right for me to be there at this moment but not before. I had just to be plunged more deeply into Maya and come to terms with certain aspects of myself. Had not Baba written to me during the War: "You are nearer to Me where I want you, than if you were near to Me physically where I did not want you. When we meet again, you will be a changed Leyla (my Persian name) and yet the same." His timing is always perfect, so that the dreaded house of nun-like seclusion on the hill now appears to be the perfect background to begin the new experience.