I SEE THAT BLESSED BEING IN MYSELF

 
One night all the children and the staff as well as some others, had gathered around beloved Baba and were listening to His discourse about spiritual matters and about treading the path of truth. In the course of the discourse I began to see all around me a radiant glow. I called out the beloved's name and instantly lost consciousness. I was unconscious for about five hours.

When I regained consciousness I was taken to beloved Baba who had waited for me to recover. He ordered me to sleep. I returned to my bed and slept till the next morning. When the sun came out to brighten the hills I rushed to His presence. First I kissed His feet. (No matter how much I kissed and pressed my head and my eyes on His feet it would not soothe my burning heart, neither would it help the turmoil which cannot be explained.) I simply sat in front of Him.

But this day my state was totally different from the previous days. On earlier occasions when in His presence, I would begin to meditate and get absorbed and intoxicated with bliss and would drown in the ocean of joy and contentment. But today it was different. I was immersed in one thought and one zikr [remembrance], the thought of the beloved.

Without meditating or contemplating, my soul was enjoying peace and bliss, and my eyes were fixed on His pure and noble face. Gradually, every minute and every hour my state would change and every instant I would immerse myself deeper in the heaven of happiness and joy. Intoxicated and drunk, I would drown even more deeply in the ocean of His love.

The focus of my concentration was now fully established and I was in a state of constant "remembrance." I was so immersed in this natural meditation that days would pass while I would have absolutely no appetite to eat or drink. I was constantly weeping and absorbed in meditation until January, 1928, when at sunset, as I was sitting close to my beloved master immersed in thoughts of Him, my state changed drastically.

I immediately began to wail and scream and cry. My external eyes closed and my inner eyes opened. I saw that my heart, my chest, all my limbs, veins, skin and bones were overwhelmed by such effulgence and radiance that it brightened the most latent corners of my heart.

I forgot the world and all that was in it, unaware of the world and the people around. I spent five days intoxicated and unconscious. During all this time the continuity of this vision remained unbroken and I saw nothing but the glorious sight of His radiant and blessed being. I did not see even the smallest particle of the external world. I was at the height of bliss and joy.

I enjoyed the unique vision of my beloved and exalted master, Meher Baba, within my heart and soul throughout the five days. The vision of His glorious face made me hear a voice within me declaring, "Remove your shoes, you are on holy ground." All this time the continuity of this vision remained, making me intoxicated with a sight which I cannot express nor explain.

Because of this blissful vision of reality, I understood that the world and all its luxuries is like a dream and an illusion and that it is truly a binding. I realized that only a true and Perfect Master can give eternal freedom. Although some people constantly try to collect worldly belongings with the only purpose of having all things, to behold the face of the beloved with the inner eye or even with external eyes, is the only true joy and happiness.

Ever since, I see that blessed being in myself, in others and all around, continuously. It is very rare that a Perfect Master with His infinite grace, mercy and power, raises one to such heights.