Bal Natu's Last Days

 
The contents of this email include:

I. An intimate account of Bal's last days from his doctor, Shelley
II. A Hafiz ghazal read out after Bal's passing, according to his wishes
III. A story from Glimpses, also read according to his wishes
IV. A remembrance of Bal Natu written by Rick Chapman and shared with all Meherazad mandali
V. A few tid-bits shared in the Meherazad Mandali Hall during a remembrance of Bal held on Thursday, 9 October
VI. A favorite song of Bal's
VII. A small prayer written by Bal

 
I. An account of Bal's last days from Dr. Shelley:

Jai Meher Baba! Here are some thoughts that Amber, Erica and I put together:

In the last few days after his surgery for the bowel obstruction, Balaji suffered a great deal. When the difficulties first began he would lie in bed with his eyes closed, repeating Baba's Name rather vigorously. At one point Bal stopped his lament and, turning to me with his eyes wide open like a child, asked: "Is it okay if I repeat Baba's Name continuously?" Amazed, I replied, "Of course Balaji." And so he did whenever he was awake, until the end.

From the beginning of his admission to the hospital, people would ask me — how will you know when it's time to bring Bal home? I had no idea, but I trusted that Baba would. On the 4th evening, when we learned that Bal's heart attack was extending, it was obvious that his condition was rapidly deteriorating. In the midst of trying to cope with this new development, Balaji asked me, "Can't we stop all medicines?" Clearly the time to go home to Meherazad had arrived. And once this decision was made, Bal's mood changed completely. He was buoyant and laughing at all our silly jokes with a smile from ear to ear. There was nothing that did not tickle him. He was obviously overjoyed to be returning to Meherazad and his happiness thrilled us all. Bal even participated in the packing up of his room by directing us to get boxes from the nurses. And after we arrived at Meherazad, his relief to once again be in his own bed in his own room was palpable, and marked the beginning of his real journey Home.

Though the last year of Bal's life was filled with difficulties, his passing was very peaceful. During his last 24 hours Balaji was mostly in a natural, deep sleep. He roused when his family arrived and greeted them with open eyes, but for the most part he appeared to be in a deep sleep. At 1:10 am on the 7th morning, Balaji suddenly opened his eyes for the last time with his friends gathered around him. His sight was fixed on his destination. Slowly Bal's breathing ceased, and then his heart beat faded until there was no sound at all. Bal Natu gently slipped away into His Beloved's arms at 1:20 a.m.

After Bal was placed on the stretcher at Baba's feet in the Mandali Hall at Meherazad, his expression began to change. I was amazed to see that Bal was actually smiling and his eyes, which had partially opened, were sparkling. For all around it was a joy to behold — even Goher spontaneously exclaimed how alive he looked as she placed a flower on his body. The mandali, Bal's family from Poona and Sholapur, and his friends from Meherabad and Ahmednagar gathered around Bal to share remembrances, to read the ghazal and story he had requested to be read out after his passing, and to say Baba's prayers and arti together with Bal for one last time. Then Bal's body was placed in the Swanee (the Trust van) for his last journey to the Samadhi and finally to the cremation ground where hundreds came to say their good-bys.

II. A Hafiz ghazal that Bal requested be read out when he passed away:

17th Nov. 1995 (Friday): Aloba, on his own, asked Hafiz's "Faal" about Bal Natu's biography of Baba, Glimpses of the God-Man. In reply to this, Hafiz offered the following ghazal, "Dush vakte sahar" ("They gave"). (From DIVAN-I-HAFIZ, translated by Paul Smith)

Last night before dawn, freedom from all suffering They gave me;
In the darkness of night, Water of Life-everlasting, They gave me.

They overpowered me with the brilliance of the Divine Essence;
A drink from the goblet of Divine Light overflowing, They gave me.

What a fortunate dawn and joyful night was that Night of Power
When the Supreme Authority of God's Commanding They gave me.

If my longing is fulfilled and my heart is in bliss, what wonder?
All of this as rightful gifts, because I was deserving, They gave me.

Now, together are my face and the mirror of the Glory of Beauty:
Beloved's Glory reflecting my true Self showing, They gave me.

All this honey and sugar that pouring from my pen is the reward
For patience; and a branch of sugarcane for writing They gave me.

Angel Gabriel the invisible messenger, gave me the happiest news:
When tyranny and violence comes, patience enduring They gave me.

It's such a wonderful miracle to be the slave of the Perfect Master:
I became His dust and the rank of the highest rating They gave me.

The Master raised me that day to reach to life Eternal without end;
When the writing of freedom from death, everlasting, They gave me.

Hafiz said: "The moment I fell into the snare of the tip of Your hair,
Release from the chains of anguish and of suffering They gave me."

Because of blessings I received and wishes of dawn companions,
Freedom from Fate's sickness and Time's grieving They gave me.

Hafiz, rejoice, rejoice, then thankfully scatter the sugar of thanks:
Realization of the Divine Beloved, sweetly swaying, They gave me.

 
III. The second passage that Bal had asked to be read at his death, from Glimpses of the God-Man, Vol. I., pgs. 212-213:

Second Day of Darshan at Madras, 1947: A Stream Running Down the Mountain

The second day of the Darshan at Madras was, and still is, precious to me. It was breakfast time on Friday, April 4, and the Mandali were going down the stairs. I saw Baba standing in the doorway, looking at us lovingly as we passed by. When I was about to start down, Adi Sr. called me. I entered Baba's room and found Him sitting in a chair. Without any introduction He gestured:

"You will have liberation (mukti)."

This spontaneous assurance lifted me to a new dimension. A feeling of timelessness crept over me, perhaps for a few seconds. I was brought to my senses when Adi Sr. continued to convey Baba "say":

"But let your love flow on ceaselessly, like a stream down the mountain on its way to the Ocean. Obstructions there will be, of pleasures, of pains. Pass by these as passing phases. There will be flowers and thorns by the bank and in the flow. Do not get attached; do not get affected. Go on and on and let the stream become a river. Doubts may assail you, self-complacency may lure you, but with love in the heart, roll on, flow on to Me — the Ocean. Worry not, fear not. I am the Ocean of Love. Now, go and have tea."

The instruction about tea made me aware of the room I was in. It is difficult to say what I felt at that moment. It is something beyond me and I cannot put it in black and white. The words, if expressed, might turn into barriers. It is too sacred to talk about. Perhaps everyone who came into Meher Baba's contact had such sublime moments. I wonder whether I had tea or nectar that day!

 
IV. A remembrance from Rick and Sheryl Chapman:

Bal Natu lived his life as if it were his last, which, according to Meher Baba, it was.

It is hard to imagine anyone with a milder temperament, and yet in his mildness, Bal focused a laser-like will to accomplish more than any ordinary person in a hundred lives. He must be exactly what Jesus meant when He said, "The meek shall inherit the Earth." He trod as lightly on this planet as if he were already detached from it, and as a result, his life shone with that profound humility which emanates from those rare few who are blessed with virtually no attachment to themselves.

Bal obviously became Baba's many, many lives ago, but in this life he became one of the Avatar's intimate mandali as naturally as one finds oneself a member of one's own family. Baba gave him so many cherished opportunities to visit and stay with Him and to serve Him, but to all but his Beloved, Bal remained almost invisible until well after his Master dropped His body. It was only when Bal came "Home" to stay permanently at Meherazad that Baba began to lift the curtain with which He had so carefully covered this most powerful beacon of His Love.

At Meherazad Bal spoke and he wrote about the only subject he cared anything about: His Beloved. Despite his most unassuming manner — or perhaps it was because of it — the authority of Baba's Love and Truth shone through whatever Bal wrote and said. What he called "GLIMPSES" brought whole decades of the God-Man's Advent to life; then his "CONVERSATIONS" revealed an aspect of the inner life as disarming in its intimacy as it was compelling in its creative inspiration: was this Bal's life we were privileged to examine so closely, or our own potential realm of previously unimagined companionship with the Beloved? And with everything Bal wrote, the richness and strength of his narrative was rooted in an uncompromising and uncommon adherence to accuracy and clarity, as if reflecting his own proximity to the Goal.

Somehow in the midst of it all — the greeting and entertaining of pilgrims, his life at Meherazad and his work at Baba's Trust, ever nursing a most fragile physical health (almost a counterpoint to his incredible inner strength) — Bal chose to share yet another extraordinary "glimpse" this time of the Infinite Gift of Avatar Meher Baba's Samadhi. His STAR OF INFINITY revealed yet another facet of this amazing lover of the Beloved: a mind illumined by such love that it transcended the realm of intellect alone, to unveil the majesty of the knowing heart.

Bal, dear friend, what you must be experiencing now! You have HIM, once and for all time! We have loved knowing you, and we will love knowing that you are now truly liberated from the Illusion you lived in so remarkably. Our salutations, O great lover, and our obeisance to Beloved Avatar Meher Baba, Who has allowed you to find your Victory in His Infinity today!

Rick and Sheryl Chapman, 6 October 2003

 
V. Some tidbits shared on Thursday, October 9th in Mandali Hall, with the women mandali present. The gathering in memory of our dear Bal Natu began with two of his favorite songs — "Sing a Song of Meher Baba" by Jamie Newell and Brian Darnell's "Not Just Roses on a String." This was followed by the beautiful eulogy written by Rick Chapman. Afterwards, Bal's friends shared stories and sentiments about their experiences with him. The following is a rough compilation of these sharings:

* Bal Natu always made a point of seeking out those on the verandah who were shy. Steve Klein called it Bal "working the verandah"! He would seek these people out and then say exactly the right thing that would put them at ease. Especially new people who might feel uncertain about their surroundings or even uncertain about Baba. He would say to them — "Don't be influenced by anyone — even me. Remember it is Baba Who has called you here. It is just between you and Him. Follow whatever is in your heart."

* Balaji would also make sure that the Marathi and Hindi-speaking pilgrims were always looked after. And on days when Meherazad was closed, any time of the day or evening if a pilgrim would show up for darshan in Mandali Hall, Bal would happily leave whatever he was doing and show them around the Hall, speaking with them about Baba.

* Someone asked Bal what Baba's sign for him was and he replied by saying that he was so insignificant that he didn't have a sign. However, Bal did say that in the early years, when he would come to be with Baba, Baba would make the sign for milking a cow to indicate his arrival. This was so that Pendu would order milk because Bal could not eat the usual fare. Then one day Baba made the sign to Bal that he was cracked (mad). Bal said something like, 'Okay Baba, whatever you say." Baba called the mandali into the Hall and told them all, "Bal is cracked!" Baba then looked at him lovingly and gestured, "But there is a place for you here." The room in which Bal eventually came to stay was next to Mandali Hall, and Balaji always felt that its location was personally significant in light of Baba's invitation to him that day in the Hall.

* Balaji told us that since early on Baba had been guiding him through his dreams. They had great meaning to him, and he was also always interested in others' dreams of Baba. Bal had one dream in which Baba signed his copy of GLIMPSES. In the dream Balaji went to look for his Papermate pen because, as he told Baba, it was the best pen! Bal handed the Papermate to Baba, Who signed "MSI" over the title GLIMPSES.

* Balaji was meticulous in his work — no detail was too small for that which he did in Baba's Name. As Mani used to say, Bal did his work for Baba quietly and continuously. Bal was a Trustee and for many years faithfully attended the Trust Office daily with Eruch, Mani and Rano. After Pendu passed away he became the organizer for Amartithi in Pendu's stead and even to the end, despite his ill health, he was involved in and concerned about the Amartithi circulars.

* And Bal would never say anything that he didn't feel was true. He was truly an honest man. Even about himself, or rather especially about himself. If someone would ask Bal about his relationship with Baba, he would say, "This much I know — He has accepted me". He would also tell people, "Baba has kept me here to serve as an example of how He is for the most ordinary and the mad too!"

* And his focus on Meher Baba was continuous. Everything in his daily life, even the most simple acts were imbued with thoughts of Meher Baba. "When I touch the table it is really Baba Who is touching me," he told one friend, and wrote a prayer about his longing to have this experience: "O Lord, whatever I touch, bless me to feel that it is You Who are touching me through it."

* Bal also had a unique sense of humor that could survive any trying situation. After he had awakened from his recent surgery and was resting, his friends and caretakers were asking him questions about how he felt. He was still sleepy and answered their yes-no questions by shaking his head with his eyes closed. "Balaji are you in pain?" — he shook his head no. "Balaji are you uncomfortable in this position?" — he shook his head no. Paul Liboiron asked, "Bal are you alive?" — he shook his head no! And then to make sure Bal was actually able to nod his head yes, Paul asked "Can you nod yes?" Bal shook his head no! Paul told him, "Bal, that's no...can you nod yes?" Letting out a sigh of compliance, Bal finally shook his head yes!

* Balaji's sensitivity to others was always very touching. Even in the end when his days were filled with trials, he would gesture to one or the other in the room and say, "Look after your health." "How will you get your food?" "How will you travel home?" And when his friends asked him, "Is there anything we can do for you?" Bal replied, "Be happy." Despite his own difficulties he would always think of what others were going through.

* Bal's signature reflected his life, which he felt was lived by Beloved Baba's Grace and in His constant Presence. He would sign his letters:

Under His Wing,
Bal Natu

or, in later years,

In His Care,
Bal Natu

* The morning session ended when Paul aptly described Bal's way of being in the world, saying, "He took himself lightly, he wore himself lightly — even his touch and embrace were light."

Bal would often say, "I am a friend to many, but intimate with only One." The stories of his friends eloquently convey how, through that intimacy with the One, Bal quietly touched the lives of multitudes of Baba-lovers around the world, not only through his personal contact but through the volumes he wrote about Baba. Bal's only thought was to serve Baba, remember Baba's name and, as Baba instructed him, to let his "love flow on ceaselessly, like a stream down the mountain on its way to the Ocean."

We miss our dear friend and constant companion to the Awakener — Bal Natu

 
VI. A favorite song of Bal's:

NOT JUST ROSES ON A STRING
written by Brian Darnell

Not just roses on a string but the fear
and the hate and the anger I bring,
Let me lay them down at Your feet.

Not just the pretty words I sing,
but the pride and the envy and the thoughts unclean,
Let me lay them down at Your feet.

Every burden too heavy to bear,
Let me bring to You and leave them there.

Every stain within my heart,
everything that keeps us apart,
Everything that keeps us apart.

Not just roses on a string,
but the ways of the world to which I cling,
Let me lay them down at Your feet.

Not just the smiles and the words of praise,
but the sin and the sorrow and my willful ways,
Let me lay them down at Your feet.

Every burden that I carry around,
Let me bring to You and lay them down.

Every sin I hold on to that keeps me,
darling, from You —
That keeps me from You.

Not just roses on a string but my soul
and my body and my everything,
Let me lay them down at Your feet.

Let me lay them down, lay them down,
Let me lay them down at Your feet.

 
VII. A small prayer written by Bal:

Oh Awakener,
Let Your presence fill my being
And Your name my breath!
Let your light guide my day,
Your wish my way.

 
And one more article from Frank P. in India, who writes:

The last of the several remembrances of our dear friend, Bal Natu, was held on Friday at the confluence of three sacred rivers about 30 kilometers outside Poona. A group of about fifteen family members and Bal's friends gathered there to spread his ashes in the depths of the placid waters. It was a happy and peaceful event as were all moments this past week that began with Bal's blissful union with his Beloved Meher Baba.

Beginning with the ringing telephone at 2 a.m. on October 7th, 2003, announcing Bal's passing, most of the residents hastened to Mandali Hall in Meherazad to bid sweet farewell to this dearest of friends. The atmosphere in Mandali hall that night can only be described as joyful and serene as many told Bal stories and reflected how this quiet gentle man influenced their lives is countless ways. Few tears were shed and even those were tears of joy and happiness that Bal's long 84 year life of service to his Beloved finally culminated in Mukti (liberation) as promised to Bal by Baba Himself in 1947. All gathered there commented on the sweet smile on Bal's face that seemed to grow wider as the hours passed and his partially opened eyes that offered one last fond embrace to all there. Indeed he seemed so lifelike that many knelt beside him and spoke to him lovingly as if he were still in the body.

At 9 a.m., the Swanee was brought to carry Bal to the Samadhi for one last Darshan at Baba's feet. Yet another gathering at Mandali Hall in Meherabad followed this as crowds of villagers, workers and pilgrims were joined by the residents to pay their final respects and Jai Baba. From there the procession assembled at the cremation grounds to witness the consumption by flames of that weak and frail body that had housed this gentle and loving soul for some many illness prone years.

The next morning I had volunteered to sit by the funeral pyre for a couple of hours and upon arriving I noticed the charred Baba button that Bal had worn laying on top of the ashes which I hastily picked up. One final gift of sweet remembrance to me from our 'maintenance free' friend. There are many accolades and superlatives I could write about Bal, but he would not approve, so I will simply say that he was a friend, companion and inspiration to all who approached him regardless of age or gender.

He has left us a body of written work in Glimpses series and the several books recording stories of Baba lovers' journeys to their Beloved. But most of all he gave us the Conversation series in which his humanity, humility and even doubts and apprehensions were exposed for all to see. His journey and struggle as described in the Conversations reflects our own intimate and unique relationship with Beloved Baba. Those of us who had the privilege of working and associating with Bal over the years know how much Meher Baba relied on Bal and turned to him for important work on such books as God Speaks, God to Man, Man to God, and the many journals and articles published through the years. Bal was also Baba's emissary at numerous functions throughout India at which he spoke eloquently and lovingly of his Beloved.

This is what Baba told Bal on that April day in Madras in 1947. Summoned by Adi Sr. Bal entered the room and without any introduction Baba gestured to him "You will have liberation, but let your love flow on ceaselessly, like a stream down a mountain on its way to the ocean. Obstructions there will be, of pleasures and pain; Pass by these as passing phases. There will be flowers and thorns by the bank and in the flow. Do not get attached do not get affected. Go on and on and let the stream become a river. Doubts may assail you, roll on, flow on to Me-the Ocean. Worry not, fear not. I am the Ocean of Love. Now go have tea."

The stream that is Bal Natu has now become the river and merged with the ocean of unending bliss. We his friends and companions shall miss his company, but our joy knows no bounds that he has completed the journey. Well done and Godspeed dearest Balaji, from all your 'Maintenance free friends' whose lives you enriched for so many years.

Frank & Jo