WHEN I LOOKED AT MEHERA, I LOST ALL COURAGE

 
"Eruch called out, 'GOHER, COME IMMEDIATELY!' I had all the syringes. I wanted somebody to do artificial respiration, as I knew his breathing had stopped. I was telling the mandali to do this and that."

Suddenly Goher remembered, "At least call Mehera. Go and call Mehera now!"

Naja was about to bring a coconut to have Meheru extract coconut water, when she heard Eruch shouting to Goher. She could hear Eruch, because the door to Baba's bedroom was open. She felt that something was wrong. Meheru was sitting on the verandah, sewing a pillow case for Baba's pillow. Naja handed her the coconut and went inside Baba's room. Others too rushed in. Goher was giving Baba an injection and then holding his tongue.

Mani came in. She began shouting in Baba's ear, "BABA, FOR MEHERA'S SAKE, BABA, COME BACK! BABA, DON'T GO! DON'T GO! COME BACK FOR MEHERA'S SAKE!"

Meheru stepped into the room with the coconut water, as Goher was not there to take it inside. Naja shouted, "GO AND BRING MEHERA!" Mani left and brought Mehera, even though the mandali were present. Mehera and Mani started massaging Baba's hands....

Mani kept pleading aloud, "Baba, you are God. For Mehera's sake, come back." Mehera stayed in the room. She was repeating, "Baba darling, Baba darling," as she rubbed his hands....

After examining Baba, Ginde said simply, "Finished. Nothing can be done now."...

"We arrived soon after Baba dropped his body," Adi Sr. recounted. "Eruch who was giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, collapsed [and then fainted] in the corner. Goher was pulling at the doctors to do something.

"The whole room was full of weeping, wailing, and shouts. All was confusion. I said, 'Please do not weep. Keep quiet, all of you. Stay calm.' Somehow, I contained myself. Then I saw Mehera sitting opposite Baba's bed, stunned. She was absolutely dazed. There was not a single teardrop in her eyes, no emotion. She just gazed at Baba — stunned, absolutely stunned, half-dead. I could not bear that sight. She wouldn't weep. Her tears wouldn't flow, she was so shocked.

"I was consoling everybody not to weep. When I looked at Mehera, I was finished. I lost all courage. What an expression! I couldn't control myself. Seeing Mehera's face, I had to leave the room. I went out into the garden, took a turn, and, under one tree, just sobbed and sobbed for quite a few minutes. Then, I wiped my eyes, returned, and began to organize things.

"All were wailing and weeping. Mehera was still sitting there. Dazed, absolutely dazed. Once she started crying, she went on for months, weeping the whole day. Weeping and weeping. Night and day, she wept. I can't imagine how much she must have wept. Baba had said that if Mehera doesn't want to live after he dies, let her go. Even if she wants to commit suicide, let her do it. Baba had told this to the mandali. So, in spite of all her weeping, I should say she has a very stout heart."